Archive for china

Scientific basis of why Asians are small

Posted in humor, random with tags , , , on August 8, 2009 by freakychinaman

The question of what Asians are so small has troubled mankind ever since Anime made it to morning cartoons and JAV became a threat to the American adult entertainment industry. Many say the claim is simply racism: a separation  composed in the mind of xenophobes and religious fanatics. However the morphological differences between Asians and white people are obvious, and here we shall explore the plausible theories.

Endocrinology: Asians work too hard and stress too much – stress causes an increase in the secretion of insulin into the bloodstream, which has a antagonistic effect on growth. This relationship is clearly shown in the fact that Asians are all short little bastards, with the exception of those with pituitary tumors or steroid abuse whom coincidentally aggregate in the sports teams of their countries.

Adaptive evolution: High levels of air pollution in Asian countries – to better avoid the pollution produced by the overproduction of POS cars, sweatshops, DVD burning companies, and children; which due to higher kinetic energies tend to rise towards the atmosphere, Asians have adapted by growing shorter.

Conservation of Resources – the strengthened bonds between Asia with the rest of the world in the past century has caused an exponential increase in export of food, electronics, fabric, people, hello kitty, and other natural resources; leaving very little resources for themselves. To cope with the lack of resources and biomass, Asians thus reduce their individual mass, thus requiring less food to reach maximum height. Due to the small deviation in overall size and morphology, commodity such as clothing and organs can be shared and recycled.

yeti airlines

Congenital Acrophobia – like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything; Asians are born acrophobic, therefore those that are short stay happy and live longer, while those that overshoot the average Asian height become overwhelmed by constant fear and development chronic mental diseases such as depression. An experiment can be done where you yell at the tallest and biggest Asian you know: he will undoubtedly cower in fear or at least pretend to ignore you, thus avoiding standing up.

Even with all these theories, there is still no dominant view as to why Asians are so small; but what is known is that there is evidence suggesting they are growing bigger, which probably means that they are getting lazier, moving to other countries, getting richer, and forgetting their heritage. I hereby employ the help of everyone here to observe whether this is the case, if so, then the above theories can become valid and we can begin to learn to manipulate the size of Asians. And who knows, we may be able to fit more of them into cargo holds or sweatshops.


The immortal…



Screwing up the Beijing Olympics will not free Tibet!

Posted in current affairs, rant with tags , , , , , on April 13, 2008 by freakychinaman

It seems like everywhere I look and hear it’s ranting and shunning driven by the recent conflict with China and Tibet, and with that said, I will not be discussing this issue, instead I’ll talk about how I plan to design a motion tracking laser that will slice everyone but the torch carriers into tiny cubes.

A common trend I observe through the news and occasional discussions I get with people, is that once something involves something or someone dying, everyone has to have a say in it, regardless of what you know and how much you really care. Then everyone’s talking about it, start protests on the streets and bothering everyone BUT the people they’re protesting against, then ultimately forget what they’re angry about altogether.

So back to the Beijing Olympics, it provided the perfect platform for those who wanted to express their views to the world and pressure the Chinese government to listen since becoming the NAZIs of the east would probably not help their national image, BUT NOBODY TOLD YOU TO FUCKING SCREW UP THE OLYMPICS!!! It has nothing to do with the politics with Tibet. The situation right now is you’re surrounded by cops and you’ve taken a hostage, now you blow the hostage’s brains out all over the front door, then the SWAT will smash through the walls and windows and fill you with enough lead to sink through the floor; and I am telling you now China has proven itself through history to be capable of doing this, it ain’t pretty but it’s reality (:you know, that place where bitching won’t feed you unless you’re married!).

Now think of what the people are doing now: attacking torch carriers, boycotting the Olympic event, shunning athletes… the entire focus has shifted from “free Tibet” to “fuck the Olympics”, something I totally don’t agree with. Remember that the Olympics is not just a Chinese event: it’s GLOBAL!! so you’re effectively ruining it for absolutely EVERYONE!!

And just spare a thought for the athletes, they have trained years for this opportunity, and many only have this one chance in their whole life; and you want them to give it up because you don’t like what something the country that happened to be hosting it was doing? It’s like refusing to fill up your car because the oil company employs illegal workers: makes no fucking sense. Now when they refuse to conform to your irrational demand you go take them down when they’re carrying the torch? They had to make a secret detour because of you people, which makes the whole process completely pointless and everybody is disappointed and annoyed. If we get politics involved into the Olympics like this, it’ll just become a weapon for countries to force other countries to comply to their ideals! [Next country to hold the Olympics: North Korea]

In the end I personally don’t think these protests that involve you repeating the same lame statements over and over really work (at least not the way it should), the so called public pressure really just gives the government/company a harder time by needing to do some marketing to keep you guys happy. Though at the same time if you really want to actively do something about Tibet: talk to the politicians in China or are going to China, or convince a physical intervention from the UN; if you’re not influential enough: go there and fight off the Chinese military there; if you can’t do either, DON’T DO ANYTHING! you’re making it worse, just mind your own business and let the people that CAN do something about it do their job right! I just want to enjoy the Olympics and see some good sports, is that too much to ask? or should I take out the laser?

[Wasn’t China voted by all those countries in the first place? why boycott it now? just don’t fucking give it to them! not like China was any nicer to Tibet before]


Random picture of the day (obviously not one of mine, but who cares, it’s funny):

Ever have that feeling that your boyfriend’s cheating on you behind your back?