Archive for the random Category

World’s biggest lies

Posted in humor, random on April 4, 2010 by freakychinaman
  1. Oscar winner: “this award belongs to everyone”
  2. That dick that keeps correcting you in class: “I’m so gonna fail”
  3. Casino slogan: “everyone’s a winner”
  4. CEO: “we’re one big happy family”
  5. Psychologist: “acknowledging it means you’re half way there”
  6. Anyone: “I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing”
  7. PEd@phi_le253: “I love pokemon too, want to meet up?”
  8. Boyfriend: “this won’t hurt”
  9. Japan: “it’s for science”
  10. Surgeon: “you have nothing to worry about”
  11. Golden palace: “tradition chinese food”
  12. Australia: “we have a rich and colourful history”
  13. Customs agent: “I’m not being rude”
  14. Environmentalist: “We’re destroying the Earth”
  15. Chnag chun-hsiung:  “We’re not Chinese”
  16. Priest: “not with your teeth Timmy, otherwise you go to hell”
  17. DFO: “retail prices!”
  18. Rugs-a-million: “We’re closing down”
  19. Locksmith: “you’re lock is weird”
  20. Psychic: “I knew it”
  21. Police: “We have our top men on the job”
  22. University admin: “we’ll get it done very soon”
  23. Ex: “we can still be friends”
  24. Girlfriend: “Anything’s fine”
  25. Gambling addict: “one last time”
  26. Blonde: “I think…”
  27. McDonald’s employee: “I’m loving it”
  28. Mom: “tell me and I won’t hit you”
  29. Me: ……………………………. figure it out
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When the World ends…

Posted in personal, random with tags , , , on November 22, 2009 by freakychinaman

Since the movie 2012 is nearing its premiere, the TV stations here have once again dug out the tiny stash of movies they own rights to play for relating movies, including ID4 and deep impact… which they play annually anyway.

 

So here I am, sitting on the couch drinking some sago with coconut milk I made earlier watching deep impact due to a lack of a better option, and once again I am critisizing how people choose to spend their last moments, knowing a month in advance… and here there are people still going to work, watching TV, and wandering aimlessly around the streets… but then again if you think about it, if everyone knew they’d die soon noone will run the shops and clubs, the news and reruns of  the simpsons will probably be the only thing left on TV, most power stations will probably go off line, and gas stations will probably run out of gas in the first 4 hours the news was given… so you can’t even go very far…

So now nothing’s working, nowhere to hang, and you need to think of your own activities because those diving lessons you always wanted to take won’t be there anymore… now I’m sure everyone has a hit list of people you want dead… now assuming you don’t have a top 200 list, this will only occupy you for so long assuming your targets aren’t too tough.. (don’t forget these guys may have already killed themselves)… then there is that girl you’ve liked all these years… now assume you don’t sadly get rejected in these circumstances… what else can you do? Right now I can’t think of anything besides to find the best view to see whatever disaster is about to strike me…

And you know what, I really can’t think of anything so I’m gonna end it here. I’ll be happy to accept suggestion or at least what everyone else would do, at least I’ll have a plan when the apocalypse comes.

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mmMMMmmm… babies…

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[This is for the Chinese/Japanese/any nation that uses Chinese characters: the two characters in the logo (one Korean and one Chinese), look like the Chinese words “子宮”, which means “uterus”. Now just out of curiosity, does anyone know what the Korean character means? Cheers]

Facebook: the greatest gift to man or the shortcut to oblivion?

Posted in current affairs, humor, random with tags on October 3, 2009 by freakychinaman

Poking, inviting, becoming fans, quizzes after quizzes, application upon application…. facebook has brought procrastination and socializing together into a wondrous little package.

I’ve been on this thing for a while now, mainly due to the overwhelming number of invites flooding my junkmail… now after around 2 years on it, what have I found?

Pros:

  • Makes it easier to track down that girl you met once at the club… so long as you remember her face and she put it on her profile…
  • Easily quantify the number of friends you have.
  • Simple to invite said friends to parties and events by just ticking them off the list without really needing to think of them; they also have no excuse for not getting a notice
  • Quizzes allow you to know more about yourself: the more you do the less enthusiastic you are of your work and the more time you are trying to waste
  • Posting photos of absolutely everything lets you convince people that you have a social life…
  • Games applications allow endless fun at uni and other public computers you can play anything on
  • Know when people have birthdays, get into relationships, get married, divorced, make-up, stop being friends; all without actually needing to endure 5 hours of painful moaning/giggling/showing off/ bitching… marvelous~
  • Increase stalking potential by 500%
  • Superpoking makes sexual harassment acceptable
  • By wasting a bit of time every 6 hours, you can buy a person you know and make them do shit… and it’s legal this time!
  • You find long lost childhood friends and find out previously unknown mutual friends and relations

Cons:

  • You realize that ugly blob from last night found you and is spamming you with invites
  • You realize there are less than 100 people in your friends list and you know none of them
  • Random people keep inviting you to events in another country
  • Chain quizzes keep traveling back to you… over and over and over and over…
  • An overflow of applications that tell you when you die and what your favourite sex position is, with their respective notifications that somehow make it to your email…
  • People not taking the relationship status seriously, making it really hard to make a move
  • People manage to annoy you without even needing to be on the same continent, and you can’t block them because that’s just plain mean!!!!
  • Random guys keep spanking you and chest bumping you…
  • Random people buy you and make you into a notice board
  • Someone tries to add you, and you don’t know if it’s someone you just don’t remember or a pedophile….

So in the end really, whether facebook is the greatest invention know to man or the cause of all your mental problems…… ultimately just depends on whether you’re the one looking for that special someone from last night…. the the ugly blob….

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Quick! Before they have a closing down sale!

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Scientific basis of why Asians are small

Posted in humor, random with tags , , , on August 8, 2009 by freakychinaman

The question of what Asians are so small has troubled mankind ever since Anime made it to morning cartoons and JAV became a threat to the American adult entertainment industry. Many say the claim is simply racism: a separation  composed in the mind of xenophobes and religious fanatics. However the morphological differences between Asians and white people are obvious, and here we shall explore the plausible theories.

Endocrinology: Asians work too hard and stress too much – stress causes an increase in the secretion of insulin into the bloodstream, which has a antagonistic effect on growth. This relationship is clearly shown in the fact that Asians are all short little bastards, with the exception of those with pituitary tumors or steroid abuse whom coincidentally aggregate in the sports teams of their countries.

Adaptive evolution: High levels of air pollution in Asian countries – to better avoid the pollution produced by the overproduction of POS cars, sweatshops, DVD burning companies, and children; which due to higher kinetic energies tend to rise towards the atmosphere, Asians have adapted by growing shorter.

Conservation of Resources – the strengthened bonds between Asia with the rest of the world in the past century has caused an exponential increase in export of food, electronics, fabric, people, hello kitty, and other natural resources; leaving very little resources for themselves. To cope with the lack of resources and biomass, Asians thus reduce their individual mass, thus requiring less food to reach maximum height. Due to the small deviation in overall size and morphology, commodity such as clothing and organs can be shared and recycled.

yeti airlines

Congenital Acrophobia – like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything; Asians are born acrophobic, therefore those that are short stay happy and live longer, while those that overshoot the average Asian height become overwhelmed by constant fear and development chronic mental diseases such as depression. An experiment can be done where you yell at the tallest and biggest Asian you know: he will undoubtedly cower in fear or at least pretend to ignore you, thus avoiding standing up.

Even with all these theories, there is still no dominant view as to why Asians are so small; but what is known is that there is evidence suggesting they are growing bigger, which probably means that they are getting lazier, moving to other countries, getting richer, and forgetting their heritage. I hereby employ the help of everyone here to observe whether this is the case, if so, then the above theories can become valid and we can begin to learn to manipulate the size of Asians. And who knows, we may be able to fit more of them into cargo holds or sweatshops.

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The immortal…

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People that should be blended in a garbage disposal

Posted in current affairs, random, rant with tags , , , , , on March 8, 2009 by freakychinaman

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Here is a list of the type of people that should be brutally shoved down a garbage disposal and join the great river of waste in our sewers:

  1. That guy at school that thinks he knows more than you do at everything because he’s a year or two your senior, and at uni, these are the social science retards that try to give you medical advice.
  2. Ugly girls that think they’re hot:
    everyone’s met a few of these in their lifetime, these are those ugly both inside and out and still try to frame you for secretly having a crush on them. The only reason you will hang around these people will be because these people often attract pretty girls that have low self esteem, whom which need said ugly girls to make them feel better.
  3. Ugly girls
  4. Ugly people in general
  5. People that like Twilight:
    This also includes people that like any other vampire type romances such as… well Vamps and goths. There is nothing sexy about someone forcing their canines into your carotid… it’s a little bit more than a hickey but that doesn’t make it more delightful.
  6. Pauline Hanson:
    multiple-orgasms
    … need I explain that to you too?
  7. The audience on the funniest home videos show that laugh at everything.
  8. The administrative staff at the University of Queensland:
    The most incompetent people that I rely on (I don’t rely on the social sciences people).
  9. People that think it’s alright to be racist to any race as long as they’re not white:
    This does not apply to people that make fun of their own races.
  10. Telemarketers.

And if you don’t agree with me you also belong to this list, and you know what you must do.

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And God sent his most able agent to earth to cleanse man of self-worth: the Balder!

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Real myth busters: penile length and shoe size!

Posted in humor, random, science with tags , on December 2, 2008 by freakychinaman

Just some random stuff a lecturer brought up in a lecture once, looked it up and… hey, what do you know!

don’t sympathize to socialize

Posted in personal, random, rant on October 5, 2008 by freakychinaman

[this has nothing to do with the post, but it seemed a bit dull without a picture………. and by the way this is from ‘the perry bible fellowship’, freakin’ awesome comic strips. Have the link on the side panel]

People don’t, and never will, consider me as a sympathetic person (which is why I sucked at my behavioural studies courses since they wanted me to feel sorry for everyone…), my defense is that in almost all cases where someone’s not happy, I either a) can’t do anything about it; b) they just want attention; c) I just don’t care about that person.

The father of a friend of mine passed away recently and I struggled for a while thinking of something I can say and do for her… but I couldn’t. I mean… saying things like “cheer up” “don’t be sad” is seriously what I think you say when you want to break an awkward silence and not want to sound like you don’t care. In the end, has anyone told you to cheer up and you suddenly do? (unless you were unhappy about that person not talking to you) Anything religious is a bit hypocritical for me (it’s also very lame). Anything else that’s at all constructive I believe you should say in person, trust me saying “I’ll always be there for you, XXOO” on facebook is a bit pathetic (not to mention you sound like a total dick + the nice happy DP on the side….).

Then there are the attention seekers… Im pretty sure I ranted about these before but I’ll do it again. These are the people that are always telling you how crap their life is (eg telling you they got a really bad mark and you know they’re just waiting for you to say “that’s not too bad, I got a shitty mark too”); as well as those people that explain to you the motive behind everything they do as if it’s all for the greater good….. I hate these people, how I see it, truly smart and nice people don’t go around telling people about it, and if you really feel unhappy, you won’t have the mood to put it on your MSN name.

About the people I don’t care about….. well… what more can be said? I just don’t care! I may know you, I might like you as a person, and I might even be related to you, But if I don’t care it’s not like you can convince me. To care for someone is a type of love (at least you need a form of it): so you just do; you can’t tell me why I have to and why I shouldn’t.

If something bad happens to someone and you can’t change it, they’re bound to be sad; and telling them not to be is… well….. denying their humanity. The only thing you can really do is make them comfortable until they can get over it… or helping them take revenge depending on the cause of the problem.

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Kids, stop trying to balance on those wooden posts……

(*warning: image below may disturb some pansies and kids not convince of what I just said*)

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