Archive for the humor Category

World’s biggest lies

Posted in humor, random on April 4, 2010 by freakychinaman
  1. Oscar winner: “this award belongs to everyone”
  2. That dick that keeps correcting you in class: “I’m so gonna fail”
  3. Casino slogan: “everyone’s a winner”
  4. CEO: “we’re one big happy family”
  5. Psychologist: “acknowledging it means you’re half way there”
  6. Anyone: “I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing”
  7. PEd@phi_le253: “I love pokemon too, want to meet up?”
  8. Boyfriend: “this won’t hurt”
  9. Japan: “it’s for science”
  10. Surgeon: “you have nothing to worry about”
  11. Golden palace: “tradition chinese food”
  12. Australia: “we have a rich and colourful history”
  13. Customs agent: “I’m not being rude”
  14. Environmentalist: “We’re destroying the Earth”
  15. Chnag chun-hsiung:¬† “We’re not Chinese”
  16. Priest: “not with your teeth Timmy, otherwise you go to hell”
  17. DFO: “retail prices!”
  18. Rugs-a-million: “We’re closing down”
  19. Locksmith: “you’re lock is weird”
  20. Psychic: “I knew it”
  21. Police: “We have our top men on the job”
  22. University admin: “we’ll get it done very soon”
  23. Ex: “we can still be friends”
  24. Girlfriend: “Anything’s fine”
  25. Gambling addict: “one last time”
  26. Blonde: “I think…”
  27. McDonald’s employee: “I’m loving it”
  28. Mom: “tell me and I won’t hit you”
  29. Me: ……………………………. figure it out
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Facebook: the greatest gift to man or the shortcut to oblivion?

Posted in current affairs, humor, random with tags on October 3, 2009 by freakychinaman

Poking, inviting, becoming fans, quizzes after quizzes, application upon application…. facebook has brought procrastination and socializing together into a wondrous little package.

I’ve been on this thing for a while now, mainly due to the overwhelming number of invites flooding my junkmail… now after around 2 years on it, what have I found?

Pros:

  • Makes it easier to track down that girl you met once at the club… so long as you remember her face and she put it on her profile…
  • Easily quantify the number of friends you have.
  • Simple to invite said friends to parties and events by just ticking them off the list without really needing to think of them; they also have no excuse for not getting a notice
  • Quizzes allow you to know more about yourself: the more you do the less enthusiastic you are of your work and the more time you are trying to waste
  • Posting photos of absolutely everything lets you convince people that you have a social life…
  • Games applications allow endless fun at uni and other public computers you can play anything on
  • Know when people have birthdays, get into relationships, get married, divorced, make-up, stop being friends; all without actually needing to endure 5 hours of painful moaning/giggling/showing off/ bitching… marvelous~
  • Increase stalking potential by 500%
  • Superpoking makes sexual harassment acceptable
  • By wasting a bit of time every 6 hours, you can buy a person you know and make them do shit… and it’s legal this time!
  • You find long lost childhood friends and find out previously unknown mutual friends and relations

Cons:

  • You realize that ugly blob from last night found you and is spamming you with invites
  • You realize there are less than 100 people in your friends list and you know none of them
  • Random people keep inviting you to events in another country
  • Chain quizzes keep traveling back to you… over and over and over and over…
  • An overflow of applications that tell you when you die and what your favourite sex position is, with their respective notifications that somehow make it to your email…
  • People not taking the relationship status seriously, making it really hard to make a move
  • People manage to annoy you without even needing to be on the same continent, and you can’t block them because that’s just plain mean!!!!
  • Random guys keep spanking you and chest bumping you…
  • Random people buy you and make you into a notice board
  • Someone tries to add you, and you don’t know if it’s someone you just don’t remember or a pedophile….

So in the end really, whether facebook is the greatest invention know to man or the cause of all your mental problems…… ultimately just depends on whether you’re the one looking for that special someone from last night…. the the ugly blob….

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Quick! Before they have a closing down sale!

P15-08-09_11.22

Scientific basis of why Asians are small

Posted in humor, random with tags , , , on August 8, 2009 by freakychinaman

The question of what Asians are so small has troubled mankind ever since Anime made it to morning cartoons and JAV became a threat to the American adult entertainment industry. Many say the claim is simply racism: a separation  composed in the mind of xenophobes and religious fanatics. However the morphological differences between Asians and white people are obvious, and here we shall explore the plausible theories.

Endocrinology: Asians work too hard and stress too much – stress causes an increase in the secretion of insulin into the bloodstream, which has a antagonistic effect on growth. This relationship is clearly shown in the fact that Asians are all short little bastards, with the exception of those with pituitary tumors or steroid abuse whom coincidentally aggregate in the sports teams of their countries.

Adaptive evolution: High levels of air pollution in Asian countries – to better avoid the pollution produced by the overproduction of POS cars, sweatshops, DVD burning companies, and children; which due to higher kinetic energies tend to rise towards the atmosphere, Asians have adapted by growing shorter.

Conservation of Resources – the strengthened bonds between Asia with the rest of the world in the past century has caused an exponential increase in export of food, electronics, fabric, people, hello kitty, and other natural resources; leaving very little resources for themselves. To cope with the lack of resources and biomass, Asians thus reduce their individual mass, thus requiring less food to reach maximum height. Due to the small deviation in overall size and morphology, commodity such as clothing and organs can be shared and recycled.

yeti airlines

Congenital Acrophobia – like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything; Asians are born acrophobic, therefore those that are short stay happy and live longer, while those that overshoot the average Asian height become overwhelmed by constant fear and development chronic mental diseases such as depression. An experiment can be done where you yell at the tallest and biggest Asian you know: he will undoubtedly cower in fear or at least pretend to ignore you, thus avoiding standing up.

Even with all these theories, there is still no dominant view as to why Asians are so small; but what is known is that there is evidence suggesting they are growing bigger, which probably means that they are getting lazier, moving to other countries, getting richer, and forgetting their heritage. I hereby employ the help of everyone here to observe whether this is the case, if so, then the above theories can become valid and we can begin to learn to manipulate the size of Asians. And who knows, we may be able to fit more of them into cargo holds or sweatshops.

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The immortal…

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Real myth busters: penile length and shoe size!

Posted in humor, random, science with tags , on December 2, 2008 by freakychinaman

Just some random stuff a lecturer brought up in a lecture once, looked it up and… hey, what do you know!

You people search the weirdest things… perverts…

Posted in humor, random on July 30, 2008 by freakychinaman

everyone that owns an internet site or blog gets some of their best entertainment by looking at what search terms people put into their browsers to reach their site, and lately this is getting more and more bizarre and some I don’t even know how it possibly related to this site. So I thought I’d share some today:

  • pedo porn, baby child pedo, pedophilia virtual, blowjob underage… and the list goes on… (I’m sure these people will get into a lot of trouble if I can track their IP…)
  • cheating they’re cheating on you, right behind your back (…………….)
  • snap crackle pop (do I make people think I talk about rice bubbles here?)
  • chinaman sexual picture (sorry, I don’t pose, sorry)
  • cunt kickers (their are some really sick people out there…)
  • somebody getting raped (at least they’re not picky…)
  • viktor & hermione art (just found this odd since that pic doesn’t have a tagline along with it)
  • Kendo sex (can’t really understand how that works… someone please explain how this fetish works)

… and a whole ton along the lines of “taekwondo sucks” (comes second in my top search engine terms…)

anyways, if you are one of those losers that somehow make it to this page when searching for porn, please do a favour for the human race and go kill yourself, not because you’re looking for porn (I mean what else is the internet for?) but for being stupid enough to click into a WORDPRESS page (not to say there aren’t any) with the title of “Kevin Lee’s Virtual Dojo” while you’re at it…. and those looking up pedo porn: this is how you guys get chased down…. I’d stick to sitting at playgrounds all day if I were you guys….

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why we all love shopping overseas: