Archive for the current affairs Category

Advice for using Jay Chou in a movie: DON’T!!!

Posted in current affairs, rant with tags , , , , on February 19, 2010 by freakychinaman

Ok, for those that don’t know who he is, Jay Chou is a very popular pop star from Taiwan. Now don’t get me wrong, his music is great (although due to his signature slurring of the words, I really don’t know a word he’s singing unless I have the lyrics with me……), but this guy pretty much only has one expression and sounds just as bored reciting his lines.

So lately people have decided to get him into the film industry, much like every other Asian star is dragged into doing something they’re not good at. I think his first major appearance was the live action of the popular manga ‘Initial D’. To be honest I liked that movie, however I can’t say that was in any part really attributed to Jay Chou… I mean he played an autistic boy that barely spoke and looked like he was about to fall asleep while he raced… and looking at the random pics above that I got from the first few pages of his google search, you can tell that wasn’t that big a task for him… all I can say is that at least he didn’t ruin the movie.

Jay also produced and directed his own love story with a matching song ‘Secret’… which I must say I really had no interest in whatsoever, those who have seen it please tell me what you think. The next movie I took note of, along with many others I’d assume, will be the role as a prince in ‘Curse of the Golden flower’. This movie I guess wasn’t that good in the first place, all it did was revolve around a lot of incest and a crazed queen… the parts where Jay did much was the last battle where he throws a pole arm around, kills a lot of ninjas, and kills himself… story-wise he was very important, however his part in the actual movie was almost negligible and anyone could play it…. either way, the movie bombed, nobody really gives a crap…

Now the two newest additions to Jay chou’s portfolio would be ‘Treasure hunter’ and ‘True legend’.

‘Treasure hunter’ is pretty much a rip-off of ‘Indiana Jones’ and ‘the Mummy’ put together, and seemingly one of the more anticipated movies in China… well at least they did a lot of advertising for it. So I saw the thing… and seriously it was shit… First of all the entire plot didn”t make sense…

  1. The story revolves around people wanting to find a treasure hidden in an ancient tomb, and the whereabouts of this tomb is only passed down to the “eagle of the desert”. The movie reveals Jay to be to previous one whom gave it up to a friend, however despite this Jay, along with his companions, spend most of the movie looking for the treasure map that leads to the tomb…. huh? They also spend a bit building up on this eagle of the desert… who appears for about 5 minutes occupied with a bit of fighting, a lot of whinging, and a romance between two characters that haven’t been built up enough for anyone to care.
  2. There are roughly… supposedly…. 4 groups of villains in this movie. I hesitate because I really don’t know. The first notable group will be a group that kills the father of the female lead for the treasure map… they were never heard of again after said event and everyone obviously forgot about their existence. The second will be pretty much represented by one person with super-human abilities of controlling bandages wrapped around him as weapons, so the entire battle scene just looked like Jay whipping tissue paper… The third would be these raiders that emerge from a dust storm, whom scared tissue-man away so it’s safe to assume they weren’t together (who, by the way, was never mentioned again). These guys had a random arsenal of weapons such as morning starts, scimitars, maces etc… (which were really poorly made…) and chased our would-be heroes across the desert while a ridiculous amount of explosives were pulled out of nowhere and thrown at them… and after that scene they were once again never to be heard of again … you see a pattern here? The fourth would be some random ghosts that appear in the tomb… you never find out who they are, why they were there, and they have the lamest scene of the girl getting possessed by the ghosts and Jay has to fight her…..
  3. There is a guy that barely participates in the movie, playing sort of the ‘mystery guy’ in the movie that seems to know a lot of secrets. The twist was that he has been to the tomb before with friends, however was attack by the “raiders” at some unknown point and they ended up running for their lives, and the mystery man survived by eating his friends’ flesh… so here we have another person that knew where the tomb was that spent the movie looking for the map. This guy has been in the tomb, knew about all the traps and how the burial chamber looked like… yet it also seemed like he’s never seen it before despite actually having successfully raided the place… and what does he do after fighting his way to this glorious end? He decides to get himself killed… that thing he could’ve done while being chased by raiders and walking through the three traps in the tomb….

Secondly the special effects and CGI were poorly done, I usually won’t pick on these things in a Chinese production but since this is a rather big movie you’d think they’d put more effort into it. Finally, the biggest problem of them all: they had Jay Chou as the male lead… and he played his usual self… now just imagine ‘The mummy’ or ‘Indiana Jones’ and neither Brendan Fraser nor Harrison Ford had any expression and didn’t even TRY to be funny…………………………………………… yea… really, don’t watch this movie!!!

Now we get to ‘True legend’, which only got to cinemas in China last week. It’s another pretty big production with high expectations, with the director/martial arts choreographer of movies like ‘Fearless’ (Jet Li) and ‘Drunken fist’ (reeeaaaallllyyyy old Jackie Chan movies), and some partial 3D fight scenes (which really wasn’t an asset… in fact it got in the way of my enjoying the movie by making me wear the damn glasses). Jay Chou only really plays a cameo appearance (and yet he takes up the biggest spot in the posters…). I went into the cinema with the hope that he won’t be in much of the movie as they did say he only has a special appearance, and although he did end up being in a fair bit of the first half of the movie, at least he didn’t say much….. the thing is though he plays the ‘God of Kung fu’, I won’t spoil anything else, but as the name implies he needs to fight a lot in this, however Jay Chou really isn’t a good fighter, so you end up with really easy to handle moves along with a lot of special effects fighting (like dragonball Z style). I won’t go as far as to say he ruined those bits for me, though I think it’d be a lot better that someone else played his part. If you want a short review on the movie, the basic layout of the movie is separated into two chapter which I can tell you is unnecessary and if fact was what ruined the movie. The first half is very typical Chinese fantasy with people that can leap across cliffs and crush boulders with their bare hands, and the main villain is a guy with metal plates sewn to his skin (which really isn’t practical at all if you think about it… in fact it’ll just make it easier to tear your skin off…) and has toxic hands. this half of the movie was very cool despite the pointless 3D graphics… the only problem was that it didn’t really stay on topic. The Chinese name of the movies is “蘇乞兒”, and in fact the alternate name they gave to the movie was ‘the true legend of beggar Su’; the other emphasis of the movie was the drunken fist fighting… and both the agonist doing drunken fist or begging were not present in this first half… So I think the director and producers realised this, but didn’t want to remake the entire movie, so they decided to make a second half to what would’ve already been a finished story. This second half starts Su (which I think you would’ve guessed by that title to be the main agonist) being drunk and on the streets… so that got it right this time; however instead of being set in the ancient fantasy world with flying people and deadly flying hula hoops, we have gone back to normal people with a backdrop much like fearless… in fact the final battle was a lame fight between Su doing break-dancing and 6 wrestler led by David Carradine (yes, I was surprized he was in it too, especially with the notable handicap of being dead)…. my word of advice…. watch the first half of the movie, then leave!

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Facebook: the greatest gift to man or the shortcut to oblivion?

Posted in current affairs, humor, random with tags on October 3, 2009 by freakychinaman

Poking, inviting, becoming fans, quizzes after quizzes, application upon application…. facebook has brought procrastination and socializing together into a wondrous little package.

I’ve been on this thing for a while now, mainly due to the overwhelming number of invites flooding my junkmail… now after around 2 years on it, what have I found?

Pros:

  • Makes it easier to track down that girl you met once at the club… so long as you remember her face and she put it on her profile…
  • Easily quantify the number of friends you have.
  • Simple to invite said friends to parties and events by just ticking them off the list without really needing to think of them; they also have no excuse for not getting a notice
  • Quizzes allow you to know more about yourself: the more you do the less enthusiastic you are of your work and the more time you are trying to waste
  • Posting photos of absolutely everything lets you convince people that you have a social life…
  • Games applications allow endless fun at uni and other public computers you can play anything on
  • Know when people have birthdays, get into relationships, get married, divorced, make-up, stop being friends; all without actually needing to endure 5 hours of painful moaning/giggling/showing off/ bitching… marvelous~
  • Increase stalking potential by 500%
  • Superpoking makes sexual harassment acceptable
  • By wasting a bit of time every 6 hours, you can buy a person you know and make them do shit… and it’s legal this time!
  • You find long lost childhood friends and find out previously unknown mutual friends and relations

Cons:

  • You realize that ugly blob from last night found you and is spamming you with invites
  • You realize there are less than 100 people in your friends list and you know none of them
  • Random people keep inviting you to events in another country
  • Chain quizzes keep traveling back to you… over and over and over and over…
  • An overflow of applications that tell you when you die and what your favourite sex position is, with their respective notifications that somehow make it to your email…
  • People not taking the relationship status seriously, making it really hard to make a move
  • People manage to annoy you without even needing to be on the same continent, and you can’t block them because that’s just plain mean!!!!
  • Random guys keep spanking you and chest bumping you…
  • Random people buy you and make you into a notice board
  • Someone tries to add you, and you don’t know if it’s someone you just don’t remember or a pedophile….

So in the end really, whether facebook is the greatest invention know to man or the cause of all your mental problems…… ultimately just depends on whether you’re the one looking for that special someone from last night…. the the ugly blob….

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Quick! Before they have a closing down sale!

P15-08-09_11.22

People that should be blended in a garbage disposal

Posted in current affairs, random, rant with tags , , , , , on March 8, 2009 by freakychinaman

untitled1

Here is a list of the type of people that should be brutally shoved down a garbage disposal and join the great river of waste in our sewers:

  1. That guy at school that thinks he knows more than you do at everything because he’s a year or two your senior, and at uni, these are the social science retards that try to give you medical advice.
  2. Ugly girls that think they’re hot:
    everyone’s met a few of these in their lifetime, these are those ugly both inside and out and still try to frame you for secretly having a crush on them. The only reason you will hang around these people will be because these people often attract pretty girls that have low self esteem, whom which need said ugly girls to make them feel better.
  3. Ugly girls
  4. Ugly people in general
  5. People that like Twilight:
    This also includes people that like any other vampire type romances such as… well Vamps and goths. There is nothing sexy about someone forcing their canines into your carotid… it’s a little bit more than a hickey but that doesn’t make it more delightful.
  6. Pauline Hanson:
    multiple-orgasms
    … need I explain that to you too?
  7. The audience on the funniest home videos show that laugh at everything.
  8. The administrative staff at the University of Queensland:
    The most incompetent people that I rely on (I don’t rely on the social sciences people).
  9. People that think it’s alright to be racist to any race as long as they’re not white:
    This does not apply to people that make fun of their own races.
  10. Telemarketers.

And if you don’t agree with me you also belong to this list, and you know what you must do.

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And God sent his most able agent to earth to cleanse man of self-worth: the Balder!

7a40e

People are stupid…

Posted in current affairs, random, rant on September 6, 2008 by freakychinaman

OK, just watched the news earlier on and I just have to get this out of me. What is it with people and glorifying people as if they’re heroes purely because they didn’t die? (…. and sometimes only because they died?)

A few days ago it was about a few mountain climbers, and on the news it was as if they were the one’s that saved someone… I mean… I can’t see how a climber needing to be rescued being a glorious victory. And one maybe more memorable (if you’re Australian) being the Beaconsfield mining accident. After the whole ordeal, reporters and journalists were paying these guys tons of money for exclusive stories and they were kept on the news for god knows how many weeks, and for what? they just sat in a hole for 2 weeks and not die! they didn’t dig their way out, they didn’t even have to find their own food! Heck, I’ve been doing that for more than 2 decades already.

And this even goes for ex-cancer patients and people with some sort of amputation…. “wow, you had cancer and you didn’t die? you’re amazing!”…. no, our current medical technologies are amazing… Then you get those people that go “after that I have a new found meaning to life! I’m going to love my family more and make the most of my life and do the things I want!” on breast cancer fund water bottles having ‘Amanda 49, breast cancer survivor’ as if it’s some kind of profession… so good for you, but when the media makes these people sound like saints and philosophers, that’s when I get annoyed. People don’t need to have been near death to appreciate life. If you have any sort of value on your life, you will love your family and friends just as much and walk the same paths; people that need to see their lives flash before their eyes first are just slow and simply don’t think about their own lives enough.

[and the whole “live everyday as if it’s your last” thing… doesn’t work: if you do live everyday as if it’s your last, it probably will be; and if everyone did it the world would be in chaos]

And another thing that bugs me is people like mountain climbers, surfers that go to the beaches during a hurricane, and all those other extreme sports players are simply people that are just asking for it! It’s a wasted of resources to save them in the first place! What we should be doing is forget about the people risking their lives, and more importantly the lives of others, with absolutely no purpose; and commemorate those that risked their lives saving the asses of these dickheads.

Then there are the people that become heroes because they died… not because they died trying to save a baby from a rampaging blue fin tuna or taking out a nuclear bomb…. just because…. they died… it’s like “he was fighting in a war…. then he died… WHAT A TWIST!” Think about the dead soldiers from Iraq. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the soldiers (not so much the war, I can’t believe Australia joined and our oil prices are still high as ever….), but I think having reports that go on for days that are like “he died because he shot himself while cleaning a gun” then have his whole family history laid out to be more of an insult then not talking about him at all…

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wow… a form that actually makes you more sensible…

solution to pedophilia: lower the legal age (no porn here, piss off you sick bastards!)

Posted in current affairs, random with tags , , , , , , on May 1, 2008 by freakychinaman

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)

Well I give up, I have looked absolutely everywhere and I could not find anything that tells us that we are not allowed to love people below 18! Don’t get me wrong, I think sleeping with 5 year olds is disgusting… so let’s up the level a little so this doesn’t go disgusting… let’s say a 15 year old: if you’re not doing it against her will nor are you deceiving her, then why can’t 2 people that have feelings for each other be together? I see around me anything remotely hinting sexuality of people under 18 being crucified. I remember a report on TV about I think a swimming coach or something was having a relationship with his underage student, and naturally was prosecuted and jailed. However after he was released and she was of age, they got back together; is this not the enduring love we speak of all the time? yet he is branded a pedophile and everyone emphasized that he was deceiving her, exploiting her… but seeing that they got together again (or at least attempted, didn’t really follow up too far) he wasn’t just looking for an easy meal, because putting up with all the accusations and aggression is definitely not easy.

Just think about it, think back maybe a few centuries: we had prearranged marriages, 8 year old couples, 5 year old mothers, and grandpa was 40… obviously wasn’t an issue then, so why now? In an age where fathers are marrying daughters, people having passions for Sonic and Robotnic, we choose to worry about a 16 year old girl giving out blowjobs?

I would imagine the greatest argument would be: “well they are still young and innocent, and they can’t distinguish between good and bad people, therefore won’t make the right decisions”. Well firstly, kids today aren’t innocent: you’ll see 4 year olds swearing and 9 year olds with a hardcore porn stash (and I mean how many people were still virgins after high school?… honestly); secondly, does having been alive for 18 years mean you make all the right decisions and can tell good from bad? NO! less likely… maybe (people still get lured by strangers, but probably not by candy or puppies), but ultimately it means nothing. The only thing that’ll help you tell good people from bad is experience and logic, so 18 years of thinking that you know everything, yet have been bubble-wrapped and sheltered from reality?… quite the opposite thing.

I think child molesters and rapists should be executed over 2 hours with 4 blenders filled with super-glue (so they don’t bleed to death first) to each of their limbs and an apple peeler corer for males (be creative); but if your kid can tell the difference between a handjob and giving the priest a massage, and can take responsibility of their actions, then who are we to say that they are wrong?

[how to wipe out pedophiles: stop having kids]

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random picture of the day: sounds like a happy place

Screwing up the Beijing Olympics will not free Tibet!

Posted in current affairs, rant with tags , , , , , on April 13, 2008 by freakychinaman

It seems like everywhere I look and hear it’s ranting and shunning driven by the recent conflict with China and Tibet, and with that said, I will not be discussing this issue, instead I’ll talk about how I plan to design a motion tracking laser that will slice everyone but the torch carriers into tiny cubes.

A common trend I observe through the news and occasional discussions I get with people, is that once something involves something or someone dying, everyone has to have a say in it, regardless of what you know and how much you really care. Then everyone’s talking about it, start protests on the streets and bothering everyone BUT the people they’re protesting against, then ultimately forget what they’re angry about altogether.

So back to the Beijing Olympics, it provided the perfect platform for those who wanted to express their views to the world and pressure the Chinese government to listen since becoming the NAZIs of the east would probably not help their national image, BUT NOBODY TOLD YOU TO FUCKING SCREW UP THE OLYMPICS!!! It has nothing to do with the politics with Tibet. The situation right now is you’re surrounded by cops and you’ve taken a hostage, now you blow the hostage’s brains out all over the front door, then the SWAT will smash through the walls and windows and fill you with enough lead to sink through the floor; and I am telling you now China has proven itself through history to be capable of doing this, it ain’t pretty but it’s reality (:you know, that place where bitching won’t feed you unless you’re married!).

Now think of what the people are doing now: attacking torch carriers, boycotting the Olympic event, shunning athletes… the entire focus has shifted from “free Tibet” to “fuck the Olympics”, something I totally don’t agree with. Remember that the Olympics is not just a Chinese event: it’s GLOBAL!! so you’re effectively ruining it for absolutely EVERYONE!!

And just spare a thought for the athletes, they have trained years for this opportunity, and many only have this one chance in their whole life; and you want them to give it up because you don’t like what something the country that happened to be hosting it was doing? It’s like refusing to fill up your car because the oil company employs illegal workers: makes no fucking sense. Now when they refuse to conform to your irrational demand you go take them down when they’re carrying the torch? They had to make a secret detour because of you people, which makes the whole process completely pointless and everybody is disappointed and annoyed. If we get politics involved into the Olympics like this, it’ll just become a weapon for countries to force other countries to comply to their ideals! [Next country to hold the Olympics: North Korea]

In the end I personally don’t think these protests that involve you repeating the same lame statements over and over really work (at least not the way it should), the so called public pressure really just gives the government/company a harder time by needing to do some marketing to keep you guys happy. Though at the same time if you really want to actively do something about Tibet: talk to the politicians in China or are going to China, or convince a physical intervention from the UN; if you’re not influential enough: go there and fight off the Chinese military there; if you can’t do either, DON’T DO ANYTHING! you’re making it worse, just mind your own business and let the people that CAN do something about it do their job right! I just want to enjoy the Olympics and see some good sports, is that too much to ask? or should I take out the laser?

[Wasn’t China voted by all those countries in the first place? why boycott it now? just don’t fucking give it to them! not like China was any nicer to Tibet before]

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Random picture of the day (obviously not one of mine, but who cares, it’s funny):

Ever have that feeling that your boyfriend’s cheating on you behind your back?

Edison sex scandal: an entire population refusing to grow up

Posted in current affairs, rant with tags , , , on March 12, 2008 by freakychinaman

though probably not the best way to start of my new blog with a current affair (which I have learnt from channel nine equals to useless gossip and trends that nobody really cares about), the recent Edison Chan (/Chen, whatever…. Asians..).

Just a little background, Edison Chan’s a Hong Kong celebrity, much like Paris Hilton to the point of being disowned by the family and can’t master any of his languages, but not as rich and at some point he was even referred to as an ‘artist’. As of late, explicit photos (and apparently a video but I haven’t found it yet) of him and several female celebrities, most notably Gilian Chung, Bobo Chan, C…. just look up wiki or something, it’s all over the place.

I personally don’t think any less of any of the people that were involved in these photos, even Edison since I never thought anything of him in the first place, in the end it’s just a case of keeping some happy memories and getting “caught”…. I must say, if you’re stupid enough to bring in a computer filled with material that sensitive to get fixed unsupervised, you should leave for America then get shot by a 5 year old. This is why people invented 8gig USBs and iPods: so that you can keep your shit to yourself.

Another ridiculous player in this TVB (aka lame and shallow) drama is the dick that started all this in the first place, and has apparently been dubbed the name of “Kira” [see “deathnote“]. Apparently Light got sick of cleansing the world of injustice and crime with his deathnote and has decided to redirect his rage towards stupid adolescents with the world wide web. I’m sure real soon Ichigo Kurosaki will release his zanpakutō into a razor and turn emo and Yugioh will stop gambling his life playing stupid kids games.

Finally, a word to the twins fans: despite her “stupid” and “naive” appearance, she’s fucking 27, she’s old enough to be divorced! so she had sex in front of a camera, big deal, so do tons of other people out there that enjoy sex and are mature about it. grow up! And about her “naive” speech: what else do you want her to say? her target audiences are teens and below, and songs that make her seem like she hasn’t even grown out of her puppy-love stage yet, do you really want her to say: “oh, well I felt really horny back then and needed a man to fill me up, and honestly it’s really none of your business… and why the fuck am I apologising?”.

[Rumour has it that Edison has a backup plan to pursuit a career in Hollywood after quiting from HK… but honestly if he can’t make it in HK what possible way can he make it in Hollywood………….. an amateur pornstar maybe?]