Scientific basis of why Asians are small

The question of what Asians are so small has troubled mankind ever since Anime made it to morning cartoons and JAV became a threat to the American adult entertainment industry. Many say the claim is simply racism: a separation  composed in the mind of xenophobes and religious fanatics. However the morphological differences between Asians and white people are obvious, and here we shall explore the plausible theories.

Endocrinology: Asians work too hard and stress too much – stress causes an increase in the secretion of insulin into the bloodstream, which has a antagonistic effect on growth. This relationship is clearly shown in the fact that Asians are all short little bastards, with the exception of those with pituitary tumors or steroid abuse whom coincidentally aggregate in the sports teams of their countries.

Adaptive evolution: High levels of air pollution in Asian countries – to better avoid the pollution produced by the overproduction of POS cars, sweatshops, DVD burning companies, and children; which due to higher kinetic energies tend to rise towards the atmosphere, Asians have adapted by growing shorter.

Conservation of Resources – the strengthened bonds between Asia with the rest of the world in the past century has caused an exponential increase in export of food, electronics, fabric, people, hello kitty, and other natural resources; leaving very little resources for themselves. To cope with the lack of resources and biomass, Asians thus reduce their individual mass, thus requiring less food to reach maximum height. Due to the small deviation in overall size and morphology, commodity such as clothing and organs can be shared and recycled.

yeti airlines

Congenital Acrophobia – like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything; Asians are born acrophobic, therefore those that are short stay happy and live longer, while those that overshoot the average Asian height become overwhelmed by constant fear and development chronic mental diseases such as depression. An experiment can be done where you yell at the tallest and biggest Asian you know: he will undoubtedly cower in fear or at least pretend to ignore you, thus avoiding standing up.

Even with all these theories, there is still no dominant view as to why Asians are so small; but what is known is that there is evidence suggesting they are growing bigger, which probably means that they are getting lazier, moving to other countries, getting richer, and forgetting their heritage. I hereby employ the help of everyone here to observe whether this is the case, if so, then the above theories can become valid and we can begin to learn to manipulate the size of Asians. And who knows, we may be able to fit more of them into cargo holds or sweatshops.


The immortal…



10 Responses to “Scientific basis of why Asians are small”

  1. Raymond Lam Says:

    I love Yeti Airlines. Along with Buddha Air, they’re my favourite.

  2. You forget my theory:

    It’s because they live in tall buildings. Every time they go into an elevator of a tall building, gravity pushes them down, resulting in smaller stature.

    • freakychinaman Says:

      Well that’s your theory ain’t it? to use it will be plagiarism… and I don’t want to reference. Plus, then I’ll have to explain why New York’ers are still relatively tall…

  3. wow your stupidity beats anything, go grow a brain

  4. I would consider this a scientific basis if you have had sites to back it up. This is shit.

  5. Omg, lol! I’m a longterm bilingual white American resident in Taipei and I was just fooling with my smartphone during breakfast and came across this. People probably think I’m nuts because I’m sitting by myself laughing at my phone. Good way to start the morning.

    My favourite: “like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything…” lol

  6. Cuz there’s only Asians and Whites ….

  7. is it not true that Asians have biggest populations so smaller more fit and need smaller everything, as well as been told ants are strongest living things Asians seem to do better in sports such as sumo wrestling or more stationary sports such as judo true ? Fencing true ? And have more balls little Japanese must have if they have more children and eat more carbs they love rice don’t they and their energy used to make money more money made by pinching copying things by sitting on fat bums making multiple rice dishes or sew multiple seems poor quality copies their fat heads are used to continuously plot and scheme how to make cheap versions of someone’s ideas all in the name of somebody else’s if it got made in China, or Tywyn don’t bother although Japanese seem technically more advanced than a lot of other countries still charge more than any country for their machines such as cars or parts than any other country for their inventions all in the name of speed need and greed true ?

  8. They also think pain and idiotic behaviour funny that also makes them rich as think rest of world like assault courses with tins of Greece tipped on an already slippery service or fast moving expanded objects funny when they bang their stupid brainless heads and running on bed of nails or hot coals somehow makes them funny string and entertaining me I think only people laughing is their fat rice eating in laws and even shut their restaurants and take aways earlier than any other foreign takeaways and rarely see them with multi race children or different race wife husband or In law do you ?

  9. Fucking chinks…

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