Archive for March, 2008

Read this then send the link to 20 of your friends

Posted in random, rant with tags , , , on March 30, 2008 by freakychinaman

Everyone who has access to internet and has some sort of emailing service has received at least a few dozen chain-mails in their life up to date (even if you have no friends whatsoever they still manage to hunt you down). It’s those emails that you never really know who made them in the first place, but one thing is for sure: it’s made to annoy you, insult you, degrade you, and ultimately make you kill yourself realizing you just spent 10 minutes scrolling down a page full of forwarded messages and emails just to see “send this to another 50 innocent souls that you don’t speak to for no reason”.
Here are the top 3 types of chain-mails that are corrupting innocent young minds these days:

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1. The “what are you doing now” mails:

These are the ones that have about 100 questions that ask you everything from “what is your name?” to “R you slutty?”, then finally making you copying the whole thing (probably after 30 minutes doing it), pasting it back on the original message then sending it to everyone else and also the dick that sent it to you. I really can’t think much of these ones really, just that it’s a complete waste of a LOT of time and you’re not even hoping to get anything out of it. You might as well do a psych survey, at least you get paid for doing those ones. Here’s a sample I got a while back:

4.What does your name mean? i dunno but i’ll bet i means sumfin special..
5.Who picked out your name? ME!!!!

29.Favourite colours? Teal and aquatic marine bluey green (WTF? how many colours is that?)
30.Favourite Animal? MONKEYS i luuuuuv monkeys der so dangly (… another monkey fetish… why lord why?!)
100.Ever had a crush on a teacher? ummm… maybe nah i love him in a teacher student way lol…. I LUV HIM!!!!!!
101.Are you too shy to ask someone out? haha well no ummm not really depends who it is

[please note #5, that on a closer inspection you’d realize that this person actually stole the template and typed the thing up without anyone sending it to her… twice as sad…]

2. The “you’re making a difference” mails:

These are the ones that go like “I have a dying baby, and if enough people pass on this email I’ll be granted to money to save her”. These ones play on the sympathy vote but makes no sense whatsoever. So this charity is making you send a chain-mail around the world, and each time it’s forwarded they give you a dollar? Unless hotmail is actually charging us each time we send an email, this doesn’t work. Fund raisers work by the people actually paying, not just calling in and saying hi… retards.

[regrettably I don’t have a sample of this since I replied the last one with “she’s probably dead by now if she was waiting in the ICU 3 years ago” then deleting it.]

3. The “you’ll be happy if you forward this; have your balls rot off if you don’t” mails:

These are the ones I despise the most, I personally have nothing against sending some good wishes to some friends, I mean what is life without hope? But is it really necessary to add in the “you will never be happy ever, ever again if you don’t send this to 20 people in the next 60 seconds”? After I receive these emails I immediately lose all respect for whoever sent it to me, since apparently their minuscule hope of getting laid that night due to an email is more important than my eternal happiness… thanks…

The “Hot Sex Fairy” will visit you within four
days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.
If you don’t, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life.
You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.”

[well I didn’t forward this and my genitals appear to still be very well intact and functional]

To all those that have forwarded an annoying chain-mail to a friend (especially the last type), I hereby place a curse on you: in 2 weeks time your computer will explode in your face, burning your eyes into their sockets. Your skin will then gradually shrink until your bones stick out and your skin will peel off like wood shavings while your nerves explode; your genitals will snap, crackle and pop, giving you unimaginable pain that will make 2 seconds last an eternity. Passing this message on will not redeem your life of sins, the only way to prevent this horrible fate is to use copper wires to stitch and weld “I am a brainless cunt” 7 times on the surface of your face within the next hour.

[world’s most famous chain-mailer]

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There’s something about Sigmund…

Posted in random with tags , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2008 by freakychinaman

Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to have a small discussion with a close friend of mine about Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis ( how we got there I can’t really remember, our conversations always have random turns… but I think it had something to do with us calling someone ‘anal’). Considering psychology is a specialty of neither of us we naturally got nowhere and got everyone around us confused… so we just watched a movie. I am not in any position to say much on the topic (with like 2 psychology course and some scratches from sociology), but then again neither did Freud.
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The bulk of our conversation revolved around the super-ego, ego and id , about the unconscious. How I understand it all, your super-ego and id are you ‘irrational’ thoughts, things that didn’t arise from knowledge or reason. Your id are your primal needs and instincts and pleasure, so your need to feed, your libido etc; your super-ego is your sense of moral and conscience, concepts that you’ve gathered from upbringing to differentiate right from wrong. Both of these things are things that just are; you don’t ask a person why they like food, and at the same time most people don’t question why murder and pedophilia is wrong.

Your ego is your logic and your rationality. The purpose of which is to make sense of the other 2 subconscious bodies while being able to sustain normal interactions without humping every girl you meet, but at the same time you can’t suppress both of them at the same time. Therefore the job of the ego is to keep you in control of yourself to survive in your community, and at the same time satisfy both your super-ego and id. Though not an example I like using (since I consider myself a hopeless romantic), love and sex is a great way to illustrate this theory.

Humans are living creatures, therefore reproduction is a fundamental instinct, it is what makes us alive (don’t about you other people, but scientists have already found the meaning of life). And being a lucky bunch, we also enjoy it a lot and one of the few animals that will do it for fun. The id is always the one that’s the most straight forward and simple to satisfy, in this case…. have sex. But thanks to our great social community and love of making anything good be evil and wrong, the need for sex is apparently a disgusting and dirty act (that or it’s a sin/ pleasure is a test, fight it/ you’re a slut etc). So in order to resolve this dilemma, we have invented this notion called ‘love’. Once we have love, everything makes sense and anything is an act of pure bravery and romance, the greatest thing a man (feminists piss of, I’m not being sexist) could do. Still, just in case everybody’s not satisfied, people in love don’t have sex: they “make love”, implying that they are making more ‘good’ even though there is little difference to the actual activity that’s branded as sinful if there was no “love” involved.

Freud to me is just a perverted old man that can’t get his mind off envying his dad’s penis and how much he loves his mom (for God sakes this man spent several years cutting out eel testicles!), and the only reason psychoanalysis is still around is because it’s a theory that backs up itself (i.e.that’s what you’re subconsciously thinking, but you just deny it) and therefore no one can prove it wrong. You know yourself best, you just need to look deeper to find out what really drives you and why you act the way you do. If it happens to be because you don’t want to be castrated by your dad… well… I’d suggest you move out and get some social services…

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Evolution: what’s so hard to understand?

Posted in science with tags , , , , , on March 19, 2008 by freakychinaman

Though it may not seem to be too pronounced in this blog, I’m actually a science geek, so I thought I’d add in a science related article just to spice up the diversity of information and propaganda you get from this site.

When people think and talk about evolution, they usually talk about Darwinism and ambiguous terms like “it happens across a long time and you don’t see it happen, but we still know man came from monkeys and monkeys came from fish”. Lecturers and know-it-alls go on and on about this stuff and just when I thought I caught the concept, they start steering off into more gibberish. My mission today is to clear up these misunderstandings and ambiguities with a single entry.

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Let’s get one thing straight, evolution is not a process that is designed, meaning that just because you live in the sea does not mean that your species will eventually grow gills and flippers; and living in New York doesn’t mean you’ll eventually not need oxygen. Evolution is a result of genetic variability either naturally (eg, natural talents, physical abilities, ethnicity etc), mutation, and cross-breeding (there is co-evolution but I don’t want to make this entry too long); and depending on how strong a selective pressure there is on these traits certain traits will die out and others dominating, this is where the term “survival of the fittest” comes from (not always referring to physical strength, just how adapted to an environment), and this is why it takes so long for more complex organisms.

When I talk about selective pressure, I’m talking about how strong a need you have for a certain trait, so for example: you won’t die if you don’t have a thumb, but if you want to survive on land lungs might come in handy. Then you have the pressure you need to dominate other organisms and your own species of certain niches, so using the example from before: you may not need a thumb to live, but without it humans may not have made it to where they are today.

Nowadays humans don’t have much of a selective pressure on most common (non-debilitating) traits in terms of needing it to survive. Modern technology has allowed a lot of negative genetic features, such as stupidity, obesity, ugliness, bitchiness, and anthropologists to survive without being eaten. The main selective pressure we have is basically whether we can get laid and whether we can have kids; you may think that therefore the above traits should be filtered out, but unfortunately you get desperate stupid people screwing fat, ugly bitches and too stupid and poor to buy a condom. It also happens to be the same people that have tons of time on there hands to have sex all day while tax payers keep them alive; while the healthy, good looking smart people practice safe sex.

To all those that say evolution is only a theory and hasn’t been proven: you’re all idiots. I just listed a very simple logic of “the smart live, the idiots die”, that IS the process of evolution. If you want an example that’s closer to home, think of the flu. Even if you don’t pay any attention to scientific development, you would’ve noticed the flu getting more and more vicious and more and more deaths and ultimately we’ll be facing another plague that’ll wipe out most of our population (just my speculation, it’s just a trend that happens every few centuries); and also stories about the ‘super bugs‘ that are immune to most known antibiotics. There we go: EVOLUTION!

So evolution is really just a process of trial and error: if it doesn’t work, it gets abandoned; if it works, good for you. So stop asking questions like “why did it grow legs? why am I so hairy? why doesn’t it have wings?”, because animals didn’t choose what traits they wanted (sort of…).

Finally, a note to any creationists out there that deny evolution because you’re too stubborn and your faith is too insecure, I hope I have convinced you that you are a bunch of idiots and shattered your belief system, if not, I promise I’ll try again. If I don’t convince you on my second attempt, give me your name and address so that I can shatter your pelvis.

[If you happen to be a creationist that discredits evolution based on reasoning then the above does not apply to you (note: the Bible does not count as a source of reason nor fact.)]

Martial arts (in my world)

Posted in martial arts, personal, philosophy on March 18, 2008 by freakychinaman

I guess before I keep going on and on about martial art styles pissing everybody off (and maybe even praise some! Oh my God!), and constantly posting video upon video to eat up everyone’s download limit and time; I think I should state what my stand is on martial arts and what it means to me.

Don’t let the past 2 entries fool you, I personally don’t think that there is such a thing as a better martial art, only better people. Martial art is the skill of fighting that is used (in most cases, if not all) against other people, who are ever changing and therefore so will the effectiveness of the style. All martial arts follow at least a certain degree of logic within their style (…maybe not for Kiai…), so it’ll carry some truth to it when it comes to practicality as long as a physical part of your body/weapon comes into contact with your opponent. How effective and realistic a fight is really is just a matter of when and where you are, if we think back to the roots of a lot of traditional martial arts they were actually developed from real battle and survived because it works. The logic of today of how to throw a punch and how to kick is different depending on culture and upbringing, I mean think back a few centuries and the West was characterized by fist fighting and high kicks were absurd, while the Chinese were being taught how to whip their tail like a dragon.

In the end it all comes down to who’s stronger, faster, smarter, and tougher; poking your pinky into someone’s cranium may seem like the dumbest thing ever, but if your fingers can do handle it then there’s nothing wrong; no matter if I can slice throw 10 ice blocks with my hand, if it doesn’t go through your arm it’s useless. So a word of advice: if you don’t know which martial arts it good and where you can be taught right, at least find one that makes you break a sweat and leave your muscles aching (and of course the best way is to listen to me)

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So with that said, why do I keep ranting on about martial art styles since if even a Ninjitsu fighter can be deadly? As I said before the effectiveness of a style depends on the time and place, and in this day and age of UFC, Pride and all sorts of MMA influence, holding on to traditional ideals and concepts just don’t work in this ever changing world, yet this is what a lot of these mainstream styles are promoting and exploiting, selling it to geeks and sissies across the world like a religion: “It works because it has been time proven for centuries and I have a six-pack, now pay me and bow before me.” These are the guys I’m usually attacking (with exception to capoiera that has never worked) and often some stereotypes that seem to fit the majority. So I will continually mock martial art styles and some occasional praising to those I see worthy, if you can relate to what I’m saying or don’t agree on what I say and won’t mind sharing your thoughts, please do so as criticism is what helps us improve; but if what I say sounds like rubbish to you or offends you and you’re just going to leave stupid comments that would reduce my IQ- leave, you are not forced to be here.

And finally, what I want to say is: I don’t care if you punch like you’re trying to grope me or stab me with your ear, if it works and I can’t prove you otherwise then you’re fine, I mean I like hook kicks and fly kicks too (feels great when you hit!), but if you hide behind your impenetrable grading system, hippy-coloured belts and fancy patterns, I pray that a homeless, drunk primary drop-out hippy with a cocaine addiction would mug you and snap your spine. And if you try to tell me you don’t fight because martial arts is a discipline and is not used to hurt people (but do so when you know they aren’t allowed to get you back for it), here’s a recommendation:

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[apologies if I somehow (can’t see how…) offended any footballers/rugby players]

To make Taekwondo kiddies feel better: Capoiera

Posted in martial arts, rant with tags , , , , on March 17, 2008 by freakychinaman

Capoiera is probably the worst ever activity to ever make it into the catergory of ‘martial arts’. I personally haven’t done any capoiera and I have only been exposed to this style for only a few years, which usually would put me in an unqualified position to critisize…. but I’ll do it anyway since capoiera is quite self evident.

Just a very brief history, capoiera is an afro-brazilian martial art, termed so because it was created by African slaves in Brazil (sometime between the 1600s to late 1800s… yep, I’m being very specific…) basically to give them something to do and keep up morale….. and sanity. Then when the slaves were released they spread it to the world yadda yadda… just google it, I won’t pretend to be a know it all, that’s how I know this stuff. The term ‘capoiera’ seems to have a lot of possible origins (none of them good…):

“”Capoeira” has several meanings, including any kind of pen where poultry is kept, a fowl similar to a partridge, and a basket worn on the head by soldiers defending a stronghold. “Capoeira” is also what people used to call a black inlander who mugged travelers.” – http://www.reference.com

but I think the true origin is this one:

” The Portuguese word “capoeira” derives from the word capão, which translates as capon, a castrated rooster.”

Here’s my arguement:

nice kick…….

brought to you by Mazda

To be honest, I can’t find any videos that can do Capoiera any justice. Amongst the few videos of capoiera fighters actually fighting, they’re either beginners and worthless (like Mr. one-hit-wonder up top) or have their style dominated by something else like jujitsu or something. To the Taekwondo people, I really tried to find a video that can pay tribute to you guys fighting capoiera fighters… but realised I can’t tell the difference while watching it, my most sincere apologies.

this was probably the most exciting battle I found for the whole time I’ve been writing this.

Capoiera means different things to different people. To some: the deadly; to others: hip-hop with drag queens (second picture); to me: dancing with lots of male ego.If capoiera wasn’t considered a martial art but a dance style I’ll have a lot of respect for it, but since it’s not I feel a moral obligation to crucify it and spread the hate. For those that don’t agree with me, leave and go back to your Tekken and watch your Tong Yum Goong/the protector:

[just to clarify, I do not dislike any of the 2 mentioned]

why taekwondo sucks

Posted in martial arts, rant with tags , , , on March 13, 2008 by freakychinaman

not surprising to be first on my pay-out list, taekwondo is probably one of the top most practiced martial art in the world, even making it into the olympic games. Mainly a Korean martial art, Taekwondo is critiqued by the public is 70% kicking, 10% punching, 20% flying and 100% useless.

The origins of Taekwondo is a bit messy, the traditional Korean martial art ‘taekkyeon’/’taekyon’ etc (no real correct spelling for audit translations, with that said shut up about spelling ‘jujitsu’ wrong) was supposedly a deadly and practical fighting form until Korea was invaded by the Japs around the early 1500’s and was banned from practice, and instead teaching them half-asses karate and some exposure to Chinese martial arts (if anyone tells me they do “kung fu” one more time I’ll heel drop into his nuts. “Kung fu” in Chinese is a generic term for ‘martial arts’ or ‘effort’, so telling me you learnt kung fu is equivalent to telling me you practiced rigid dancing with a white guy that’s studied under Jacky Chan movies!) anyways, I’m getting off topic….

So Taekyon was pretty much wiped out, but around the mid 1500’s the Korean’s thought that they were losing their national identity so they decided to establish a new art called “taekwon-do”, which is now essentially karate with more kicks. And over the years as people become less and less durable and more and more lazy and martial arts becoming a hobby rather than a vital skill, Taekwondo is now more a sport for the biggest losers to keep fit and learn how to kick boards in mid-air.

Now with the history out of the way, let me illustrate why taekwondo sucks:

and he’s crying…..

with that power, he probably wouldn’t have done anything to him if it did hit…..

if they had a bigger stage he might have done better…. maybe like a football field and the other guy didn’t move closer than 10 meters of him…

ok, so maybe I’m a bit unjust to place taekwondo vs muay thai clips here (because muay thai rules!…stay tuned:) but I can’t be stuffed browsing through anymore, taekwondo guys don’t win in MMA. And if you ever seen a TKD vs TKD match… well to be honest it’s not too bad to watch people doing triple kicks and flying somersault kicks in front of each other without the intention of hitting the other guy… but you’d might as well watch something less stupid, like the fantastic 4 movies…. and don’t get me started on the Olympic tournaments…. they’re just painful to watch…

As I’ve mentioned on my intro I’ve done Taekwondo before at the World Taekwondo Federation (same place I did Haidong Gumdo, more on that at a later date), better known as WTF?! And to be honest, I have been doing it for less than a month and half the new guys thought I taught better than the seniors and I could easily beat a few of the high level belts…. so I quite once I got my yellow….cost me 50 bucks…. probably wiser if I spent it on a self-help book, at least even if I don’t read it I can put it on my shelf and make me look knowledgeable…

just to finish off, here’s another useless skill you learn from TKD: how to kick an apple off a sword in the air

I’m sure this will come in handy when your chopping block is stuck to the ceiling and have a serious crave for apple squash

Edison sex scandal: an entire population refusing to grow up

Posted in current affairs, rant with tags , , , on March 12, 2008 by freakychinaman

though probably not the best way to start of my new blog with a current affair (which I have learnt from channel nine equals to useless gossip and trends that nobody really cares about), the recent Edison Chan (/Chen, whatever…. Asians..).

Just a little background, Edison Chan’s a Hong Kong celebrity, much like Paris Hilton to the point of being disowned by the family and can’t master any of his languages, but not as rich and at some point he was even referred to as an ‘artist’. As of late, explicit photos (and apparently a video but I haven’t found it yet) of him and several female celebrities, most notably Gilian Chung, Bobo Chan, C…. just look up wiki or something, it’s all over the place.

I personally don’t think any less of any of the people that were involved in these photos, even Edison since I never thought anything of him in the first place, in the end it’s just a case of keeping some happy memories and getting “caught”…. I must say, if you’re stupid enough to bring in a computer filled with material that sensitive to get fixed unsupervised, you should leave for America then get shot by a 5 year old. This is why people invented 8gig USBs and iPods: so that you can keep your shit to yourself.

Another ridiculous player in this TVB (aka lame and shallow) drama is the dick that started all this in the first place, and has apparently been dubbed the name of “Kira” [see “deathnote“]. Apparently Light got sick of cleansing the world of injustice and crime with his deathnote and has decided to redirect his rage towards stupid adolescents with the world wide web. I’m sure real soon Ichigo Kurosaki will release his zanpakutō into a razor and turn emo and Yugioh will stop gambling his life playing stupid kids games.

Finally, a word to the twins fans: despite her “stupid” and “naive” appearance, she’s fucking 27, she’s old enough to be divorced! so she had sex in front of a camera, big deal, so do tons of other people out there that enjoy sex and are mature about it. grow up! And about her “naive” speech: what else do you want her to say? her target audiences are teens and below, and songs that make her seem like she hasn’t even grown out of her puppy-love stage yet, do you really want her to say: “oh, well I felt really horny back then and needed a man to fill me up, and honestly it’s really none of your business… and why the fuck am I apologising?”.

[Rumour has it that Edison has a backup plan to pursuit a career in Hollywood after quiting from HK… but honestly if he can’t make it in HK what possible way can he make it in Hollywood………….. an amateur pornstar maybe?]