People that should be blended in a garbage disposal

Here is a list of the type of people that should be brutally shoved down a garbage disposal and join the great river of waste in our sewers:

1. That guy at school that thinks he knows more than you do at everything because he’s a year or two your senior, and at uni, these are the social science retards that try to give you medical advice.
2. Ugly girls that think they’re hot:
   everyone’s met a few of these in their lifetime, these are those ugly both inside and out and still try to frame you for secretly having a crush on them. The only reason you will hang around these people will be because these people often attract pretty girls that have low self esteem, whom which need said ugly girls to make them feel better.
3. Ugly girls
4. Ugly people in general
5. People that like Twilight:
   This also includes people that like any other vampire type romances such as… well Vamps and goths. There is nothing sexy about someone forcing their canines into your carotid… it’s a little bit more than a hickey but that doesn’t make it more delightful.
6. Pauline Hanson:
   
   … need I explain that to you too?
7. The audience on the funniest home videos show that laugh at everything.
8. The administrative staff at the University of Queensland:
   The most incompetent people that I rely on (I don’t rely on the social sciences people).
9. People that think it’s alright to be racist to any race as long as they’re not white:
   This does not apply to people that make fun of their own races.
10. Telemarketers.

And if you don’t agree with me you also belong to this list, and you know what you must do.

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And God sent his most able agent to earth to cleanse man of self-worth: the Balder!

Camera angle fighting

Ok, I just watched the bourne supremacy and I almost got motion sickness. Not just because of the constant car chases, and going in and out of buildings; but the stupid camera angle fighting.

Camera angle fighting is when there’s a fight scene of some sort and the screen keeps swapping to a bunch of cameras that seem to be held by people with Parkinson’s!

Ok, this is how fights use to be like on the big screen:

This is how it is now:

Seeing that the acting in most of these films aren’t important nor any good anyway, might as well get some that can fight, at least that’s easier to find. (seriously, Jacky Chan can’t act… and fuck, Hollywood killed him too… But I’ll talk about that later)

don’t sympathize to socialize

[this has nothing to do with the post, but it seemed a bit dull without a picture.......... and by the way this is from 'the perry bible fellowship', freakin' awesome comic strips. Have the link on the side panel]

People don’t, and never will, consider me as a sympathetic person (which is why I sucked at my behavioural studies courses since they wanted me to feel sorry for everyone…), my defense is that in almost all cases where someone’s not happy, I either a) can’t do anything about it; b) they just want attention; c) I just don’t care about that person.

The father of a friend of mine passed away recently and I struggled for a while thinking of something I can say and do for her… but I couldn’t. I mean… saying things like “cheer up” “don’t be sad” is seriously what I think you say when you want to break an awkward silence and not want to sound like you don’t care. In the end, has anyone told you to cheer up and you suddenly do? (unless you were unhappy about that person not talking to you) Anything religious is a bit hypocritical for me (it’s also very lame). Anything else that’s at all constructive I believe you should say in person, trust me saying “I’ll always be there for you, XXOO” on facebook is a bit pathetic (not to mention you sound like a total dick + the nice happy DP on the side….).

Then there are the attention seekers… Im pretty sure I ranted about these before but I’ll do it again. These are the people that are always telling you how crap their life is (eg telling you they got a really bad mark and you know they’re just waiting for you to say “that’s not too bad, I got a shitty mark too”); as well as those people that explain to you the motive behind everything they do as if it’s all for the greater good….. I hate these people, how I see it, truly smart and nice people don’t go around telling people about it, and if you really feel unhappy, you won’t have the mood to put it on your MSN name.

About the people I don’t care about….. well… what more can be said? I just don’t care! I may know you, I might like you as a person, and I might even be related to you, But if I don’t care it’s not like you can convince me. To care for someone is a type of love (at least you need a form of it): so you just do; you can’t tell me why I have to and why I shouldn’t.

If something bad happens to someone and you can’t change it, they’re bound to be sad; and telling them not to be is… well….. denying their humanity. The only thing you can really do is make them comfortable until they can get over it… or helping them take revenge depending on the cause of the problem.

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Kids, stop trying to balance on those wooden posts……

(*warning: image below may disturb some pansies and kids not convince of what I just said*)

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People are stupid…

OK, just watched the news earlier on and I just have to get this out of me. What is it with people and glorifying people as if they’re heroes purely because they didn’t die? (…. and sometimes only because they died?)

A few days ago it was about a few mountain climbers, and on the news it was as if they were the one’s that saved someone… I mean… I can’t see how a climber needing to be rescued being a glorious victory. And one maybe more memorable (if you’re Australian) being the Beaconsfield mining accident. After the whole ordeal, reporters and journalists were paying these guys tons of money for exclusive stories and they were kept on the news for god knows how many weeks, and for what? they just sat in a hole for 2 weeks and not die! they didn’t dig their way out, they didn’t even have to find their own food! Heck, I’ve been doing that for more than 2 decades already.

And this even goes for ex-cancer patients and people with some sort of amputation…. “wow, you had cancer and you didn’t die? you’re amazing!”…. no, our current medical technologies are amazing… Then you get those people that go “after that I have a new found meaning to life! I’m going to love my family more and make the most of my life and do the things I want!” on breast cancer fund water bottles having ‘Amanda 49, breast cancer survivor’ as if it’s some kind of profession… so good for you, but when the media makes these people sound like saints and philosophers, that’s when I get annoyed. People don’t need to have been near death to appreciate life. If you have any sort of value on your life, you will love your family and friends just as much and walk the same paths; people that need to see their lives flash before their eyes first are just slow and simply don’t think about their own lives enough.

[and the whole "live everyday as if it's your last" thing... doesn't work: if you do live everyday as if it's your last, it probably will be; and if everyone did it the world would be in chaos]

And another thing that bugs me is people like mountain climbers, surfers that go to the beaches during a hurricane, and all those other extreme sports players are simply people that are just asking for it! It’s a wasted of resources to save them in the first place! What we should be doing is forget about the people risking their lives, and more importantly the lives of others, with absolutely no purpose; and commemorate those that risked their lives saving the asses of these dickheads.

Then there are the people that become heroes because they died… not because they died trying to save a baby from a rampaging blue fin tuna or taking out a nuclear bomb…. just because…. they died… it’s like “he was fighting in a war…. then he died… WHAT A TWIST!” Think about the dead soldiers from Iraq. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the soldiers (not so much the war, I can’t believe Australia joined and our oil prices are still high as ever….), but I think having reports that go on for days that are like “he died because he shot himself while cleaning a gun” then have his whole family history laid out to be more of an insult then not talking about him at all…

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wow… a form that actually makes you more sensible…

Women’s self-defense: why women are getting raped and assaulted more often

“women’s” martial arts has always been that itch I just can’t scratch without being called sexist, even though I never think that I’m in any way being unreasonable or biased against women. I know a few women out there that I’m sure would be able to kick my ass pretty easily… but then again, there’s only one way to find out…

My biggest problem would have to be: “why women’s martial arts?”, what is the difference compared to our normal martial arts?. Unless you’re telling me you plan to throw hooks at people with your breasts or insert a dagger in your vagina; the last time I checked women still have 2 arms, 2 legs, 20 phalanges, and a head. How I see it, women’s martial arts is just another money making scheme for girls to keep fit, look cool, feed their ego, and at the same time not break a sweat. The only real excuse I can find to support the term is scenario based focusing such as sexual assault, someone stealing your purse… yea, that’s about it, I tried…

When I evaluate a martial art/skill (basically everything), I just think about what works realistically [i.e. are my reflexes really that good? will that guy just stand there while I jump around him? can I really tap a guy in a pressure point with my pinky while he's elbowing my face?]. And when I think about the division of the sexes in something like martial arts (and anything competitive really..): “I’m pretty good for a girl” just doesn’t cut it. People always say that girls do push ups on their knees because of mechanical disadvantages with a less broad shoulder width, and that this way is ‘equivalent’ to the normal on-your-toes ones. keyword here is “equivalence” (here go the double standards again…); I just don’t get the logic behind this: since you’re already at a biological disadvantage with body portions and muscle development, shouldn’t it be that you work twice as hard rather than half of what the guys do?

now back to women’s ’self defense’, which is the more bullshit stuff marketed all over the world. These classes usually educate you in the art of somebody grabbing you by the wrist then you twirl around like a fairy till he lets go, while totally ignoring he also has 3 other limbs; the classes also educate you 175 techniques of how to kick someone in the balls. And what qualifications do you need to teach such a class? here’s one I got off an apparently highly regarded women’s martial arts organization:

http://www.nwmaf.org/mc/page.do?sitePageId=61891

to break it down:

• I need to have joined a martial art/ self defense group for 3 years, but only needing to train for 20 days
• know how to do an upper, middle, and lower block; be able to break-fall
• babysit your students and shower them with love and care
• been ‘violently victimized’
• make class as friendly as possible, reassuring your students that your would be attackers will be just as polite
• be happy to lower your standards if your students find it too hard
• paid the organization for a year
• conform to a load of feminist bullshit (i.e. it is never a women’s fault)

[here's some other shit to look at while you're at it: Oh My Fucking Goddess Martial Arts...]

A lot of these ’self defense’ ideas are not just unrealistic and ineffective, but it can also be dangerous. For example this guy wants your wallet, edging a knife at your throat: normally you would just give him the wallet (at least I would…), but no, you’ve mastered the way of knocking his hand away and giving a punch to the solar plexus… then you realize arms don’t just go limp once you touch them and you don’t successfully defeat an attacker by landing 1 punch that has shit all power to it. So now you’ve successfully pissed the guy off and you get stabbed, have your arms and legs broken, and your nose is pointing in the wrong direction, and your wallet’s still taken. congratulations.

All you women out there wanting to learn how to protect yourselves: learn a real martial art, not the 2 month program shit. Understand that males have a biological advantage in physical activities, accept it, but don’t be discouraged by it: aim to be a good fighter, not just a good female fighter (but try not to use drugs). If you aren’t prepared to put some effort into it: get either a tazer, pepper spray, baseball bat, with a pair of scissors; and if you want to learn how to REALLY defend yourself, learn to sprint, and try to use common sense more like ‘don’t walk through dark alley ways alone at night in a miniskirt’ and calling people “girl bashers” will not always stop someone from bashing you.

[Feminists are the ones responsible for making men look down on women: genocide all feminists to restore world order!]

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random crap of the day: How many 5 year olds could you take in a fight?

hm…. I’m pretty sure I can do better than that… well……..only one way to find out!

Screwing up the Beijing Olympics will not free Tibet!

It seems like everywhere I look and hear it’s ranting and shunning driven by the recent conflict with China and Tibet, and with that said, I will not be discussing this issue, instead I’ll talk about how I plan to design a motion tracking laser that will slice everyone but the torch carriers into tiny cubes.

A common trend I observe through the news and occasional discussions I get with people, is that once something involves something or someone dying, everyone has to have a say in it, regardless of what you know and how much you really care. Then everyone’s talking about it, start protests on the streets and bothering everyone BUT the people they’re protesting against, then ultimately forget what they’re angry about altogether.

So back to the Beijing Olympics, it provided the perfect platform for those who wanted to express their views to the world and pressure the Chinese government to listen since becoming the NAZIs of the east would probably not help their national image, BUT NOBODY TOLD YOU TO FUCKING SCREW UP THE OLYMPICS!!! It has nothing to do with the politics with Tibet. The situation right now is you’re surrounded by cops and you’ve taken a hostage, now you blow the hostage’s brains out all over the front door, then the SWAT will smash through the walls and windows and fill you with enough lead to sink through the floor; and I am telling you now China has proven itself through history to be capable of doing this, it ain’t pretty but it’s reality (:you know, that place where bitching won’t feed you unless you’re married!).

Now think of what the people are doing now: attacking torch carriers, boycotting the Olympic event, shunning athletes… the entire focus has shifted from “free Tibet” to “fuck the Olympics”, something I totally don’t agree with. Remember that the Olympics is not just a Chinese event: it’s GLOBAL!! so you’re effectively ruining it for absolutely EVERYONE!!

And just spare a thought for the athletes, they have trained years for this opportunity, and many only have this one chance in their whole life; and you want them to give it up because you don’t like what something the country that happened to be hosting it was doing? It’s like refusing to fill up your car because the oil company employs illegal workers: makes no fucking sense. Now when they refuse to conform to your irrational demand you go take them down when they’re carrying the torch? They had to make a secret detour because of you people, which makes the whole process completely pointless and everybody is disappointed and annoyed. If we get politics involved into the Olympics like this, it’ll just become a weapon for countries to force other countries to comply to their ideals! [Next country to hold the Olympics: North Korea]

In the end I personally don’t think these protests that involve you repeating the same lame statements over and over really work (at least not the way it should), the so called public pressure really just gives the government/company a harder time by needing to do some marketing to keep you guys happy. Though at the same time if you really want to actively do something about Tibet: talk to the politicians in China or are going to China, or convince a physical intervention from the UN; if you’re not influential enough: go there and fight off the Chinese military there; if you can’t do either, DON’T DO ANYTHING! you’re making it worse, just mind your own business and let the people that CAN do something about it do their job right! I just want to enjoy the Olympics and see some good sports, is that too much to ask? or should I take out the laser?

[Wasn't China voted by all those countries in the first place? why boycott it now? just don't fucking give it to them! not like China was any nicer to Tibet before]

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Random picture of the day (obviously not one of mine, but who cares, it’s funny):

Ever have that feeling that your boyfriend’s cheating on you behind your back?

Read this then send the link to 20 of your friends

Everyone who has access to internet and has some sort of emailing service has received at least a few dozen chain-mails in their life up to date (even if you have no friends whatsoever they still manage to hunt you down). It’s those emails that you never really know who made them in the first place, but one thing is for sure: it’s made to annoy you, insult you, degrade you, and ultimately make you kill yourself realizing you just spent 10 minutes scrolling down a page full of forwarded messages and emails just to see “send this to another 50 innocent souls that you don’t speak to for no reason”.
Here are the top 3 types of chain-mails that are corrupting innocent young minds these days:

1. The “what are you doing now” mails:

These are the ones that have about 100 questions that ask you everything from “what is your name?” to “R you slutty?”, then finally making you copying the whole thing (probably after 30 minutes doing it), pasting it back on the original message then sending it to everyone else and also the dick that sent it to you. I really can’t think much of these ones really, just that it’s a complete waste of a LOT of time and you’re not even hoping to get anything out of it. You might as well do a psych survey, at least you get paid for doing those ones. Here’s a sample I got a while back:

4.What does your name mean? i dunno but i’ll bet i means sumfin special..
5.Who picked out your name? ME!!!!
29.Favourite colours? Teal and aquatic marine bluey green (WTF? how many colours is that?)
30.Favourite Animal? MONKEYS i luuuuuv monkeys der so dangly (… another monkey fetish… why lord why?!)
100.Ever had a crush on a teacher? ummm… maybe nah i love him in a teacher student way lol…. I LUV HIM!!!!!!
101.Are you too shy to ask someone out? haha well no ummm not really depends who it is

[please note #5, that on a closer inspection you'd realize that this person actually stole the template and typed the thing up without anyone sending it to her... twice as sad...]

2. The “you’re making a difference” mails:

These are the ones that go like “I have a dying baby, and if enough people pass on this email I’ll be granted to money to save her”. These ones play on the sympathy vote but makes no sense whatsoever. So this charity is making you send a chain-mail around the world, and each time it’s forwarded they give you a dollar? Unless hotmail is actually charging us each time we send an email, this doesn’t work. Fund raisers work by the people actually paying, not just calling in and saying hi… retards.

[regrettably I don't have a sample of this since I replied the last one with "she's probably dead by now if she was waiting in the ICU 3 years ago" then deleting it.]

3. The “you’ll be happy if you forward this; have your balls rot off if you don’t” mails:

These are the ones I despise the most, I personally have nothing against sending some good wishes to some friends, I mean what is life without hope? But is it really necessary to add in the “you will never be happy ever, ever again if you don’t send this to 20 people in the next 60 seconds”? After I receive these emails I immediately lose all respect for whoever sent it to me, since apparently their minuscule hope of getting laid that night due to an email is more important than my eternal happiness… thanks…

“The “Hot Sex Fairy” will visit you within four
days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.
If you don’t, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life.
You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.”

[well I didn't forward this and my genitals appear to still be very well intact and functional]

To all those that have forwarded an annoying chain-mail to a friend (especially the last type), I hereby place a curse on you: in 2 weeks time your computer will explode in your face, burning your eyes into their sockets. Your skin will then gradually shrink until your bones stick out and your skin will peel off like wood shavings while your nerves explode; your genitals will snap, crackle and pop, giving you unimaginable pain that will make 2 seconds last an eternity. Passing this message on will not redeem your life of sins, the only way to prevent this horrible fate is to use copper wires to stitch and weld “I am a brainless cunt” 7 times on the surface of your face within the next hour.

[world’s most famous chain-mailer]

To make Taekwondo kiddies feel better: Capoiera

Capoiera is probably the worst ever activity to ever make it into the catergory of ‘martial arts’. I personally haven’t done any capoiera and I have only been exposed to this style for only a few years, which usually would put me in an unqualified position to critisize…. but I’ll do it anyway since capoiera is quite self evident.

Just a very brief history, capoiera is an afro-brazilian martial art, termed so because it was created by African slaves in Brazil (sometime between the 1600s to late 1800s… yep, I’m being very specific…) basically to give them something to do and keep up morale….. and sanity. Then when the slaves were released they spread it to the world yadda yadda… just google it, I won’t pretend to be a know it all, that’s how I know this stuff. The term ‘capoiera’ seems to have a lot of possible origins (none of them good…):

“”Capoeira” has several meanings, including any kind of pen where poultry is kept, a fowl similar to a partridge, and a basket worn on the head by soldiers defending a stronghold. “Capoeira” is also what people used to call a black inlander who mugged travelers.” – www.reference.com

but I think the true origin is this one:

” The Portuguese word “capoeira” derives from the word capão, which translates as capon, a castrated rooster.”

Here’s my arguement:

nice kick…….

brought to you by Mazda

To be honest, I can’t find any videos that can do Capoiera any justice. Amongst the few videos of capoiera fighters actually fighting, they’re either beginners and worthless (like Mr. one-hit-wonder up top) or have their style dominated by something else like jujitsu or something. To the Taekwondo people, I really tried to find a video that can pay tribute to you guys fighting capoiera fighters… but realised I can’t tell the difference while watching it, my most sincere apologies.

this was probably the most exciting battle I found for the whole time I’ve been writing this.

Capoiera means different things to different people. To some: the deadly; to others: hip-hop with drag queens (second picture); to me: dancing with lots of male ego.If capoiera wasn’t considered a martial art but a dance style I’ll have a lot of respect for it, but since it’s not I feel a moral obligation to crucify it and spread the hate. For those that don’t agree with me, leave and go back to your Tekken and watch your Tong Yum Goong/the protector:

[just to clarify, I do not dislike any of the 2 mentioned]

why taekwondo sucks

not surprising to be first on my pay-out list, taekwondo is probably one of the top most practiced martial art in the world, even making it into the olympic games. Mainly a Korean martial art, Taekwondo is critiqued by the public is 70% kicking, 10% punching, 20% flying and 100% useless.

The origins of Taekwondo is a bit messy, the traditional Korean martial art ‘taekkyeon’/'taekyon’ etc (no real correct spelling for audit translations, with that said shut up about spelling ‘jujitsu’ wrong) was supposedly a deadly and practical fighting form until Korea was invaded by the Japs around the early 1500’s and was banned from practice, and instead teaching them half-asses karate and some exposure to Chinese martial arts (if anyone tells me they do “kung fu” one more time I’ll heel drop into his nuts. “Kung fu” in Chinese is a generic term for ‘martial arts’ or ‘effort’, so telling me you learnt kung fu is equivalent to telling me you practiced rigid dancing with a white guy that’s studied under Jacky Chan movies!) anyways, I’m getting off topic….

So Taekyon was pretty much wiped out, but around the mid 1500’s the Korean’s thought that they were losing their national identity so they decided to establish a new art called “taekwon-do”, which is now essentially karate with more kicks. And over the years as people become less and less durable and more and more lazy and martial arts becoming a hobby rather than a vital skill, Taekwondo is now more a sport for the biggest losers to keep fit and learn how to kick boards in mid-air.

Now with the history out of the way, let me illustrate why taekwondo sucks:

and he’s crying…..

with that power, he probably wouldn’t have done anything to him if it did hit…..

if they had a bigger stage he might have done better…. maybe like a football field and the other guy didn’t move closer than 10 meters of him…

ok, so maybe I’m a bit unjust to place taekwondo vs muay thai clips here (because muay thai rules!…stay tuned:) but I can’t be stuffed browsing through anymore, taekwondo guys don’t win in MMA. And if you ever seen a TKD vs TKD match… well to be honest it’s not too bad to watch people doing triple kicks and flying somersault kicks in front of each other without the intention of hitting the other guy… but you’d might as well watch something less stupid, like the fantastic 4 movies…. and don’t get me started on the Olympic tournaments…. they’re just painful to watch…

As I’ve mentioned on my intro I’ve done Taekwondo before at the World Taekwondo Federation (same place I did Haidong Gumdo, more on that at a later date), better known as WTF?! And to be honest, I have been doing it for less than a month and half the new guys thought I taught better than the seniors and I could easily beat a few of the high level belts…. so I quite once I got my yellow….cost me 50 bucks…. probably wiser if I spent it on a self-help book, at least even if I don’t read it I can put it on my shelf and make me look knowledgeable…

just to finish off, here’s another useless skill you learn from TKD: how to kick an apple off a sword in the air

I’m sure this will come in handy when your chopping block is stuck to the ceiling and have a serious crave for apple squash

Edison sex scandal: an entire population refusing to grow up

though probably not the best way to start of my new blog with a current affair (which I have learnt from channel nine equals to useless gossip and trends that nobody really cares about), the recent Edison Chan (/Chen, whatever…. Asians..).

Just a little background, Edison Chan’s a Hong Kong celebrity, much like Paris Hilton to the point of being disowned by the family and can’t master any of his languages, but not as rich and at some point he was even referred to as an ‘artist’. As of late, explicit photos (and apparently a video but I haven’t found it yet) of him and several female celebrities, most notably Gilian Chung, Bobo Chan, C…. just look up wiki or something, it’s all over the place.

I personally don’t think any less of any of the people that were involved in these photos, even Edison since I never thought anything of him in the first place, in the end it’s just a case of keeping some happy memories and getting “caught”…. I must say, if you’re stupid enough to bring in a computer filled with material that sensitive to get fixed unsupervised, you should leave for America then get shot by a 5 year old. This is why people invented 8gig USBs and iPods: so that you can keep your shit to yourself.

Another ridiculous player in this TVB (aka lame and shallow) drama is the dick that started all this in the first place, and has apparently been dubbed the name of “Kira” [see "deathnote"]. Apparently Light got sick of cleansing the world of injustice and crime with his deathnote and has decided to redirect his rage towards stupid adolescents with the world wide web. I’m sure real soon Ichigo Kurosaki will release his zanpakutō into a razor and turn emo and Yugioh will stop gambling his life playing stupid kids games.

Finally, a word to the twins fans: despite her “stupid” and “naive” appearance, she’s fucking 27, she’s old enough to be divorced! so she had sex in front of a camera, big deal, so do tons of other people out there that enjoy sex and are mature about it. grow up! And about her “naive” speech: what else do you want her to say? her target audiences are teens and below, and songs that make her seem like she hasn’t even grown out of her puppy-love stage yet, do you really want her to say: “oh, well I felt really horny back then and needed a man to fill me up, and honestly it’s really none of your business… and why the fuck am I apologising?”.

[Rumour has it that Edison has a backup plan to pursuit a career in Hollywood after quiting from HK... but honestly if he can't make it in HK what possible way can he make it in Hollywood.............. an amateur pornstar maybe?]