Facebook: the greatest gift to man or the shortcut to oblivion?

Poking, inviting, becoming fans, quizzes after quizzes, application upon application…. facebook has brought procrastination and socializing together into a wondrous little package.

I’ve been on this thing for a while now, mainly due to the overwhelming number of invites flooding my junkmail… now after around 2 years on it, what have I found?

Pros:

• Makes it easier to track down that girl you met once at the club… so long as you remember her face and she put it on her profile…
• Easily quantify the number of friends you have.
• Simple to invite said friends to parties and events by just ticking them off the list without really needing to think of them; they also have no excuse for not getting a notice
• Quizzes allow you to know more about yourself: the more you do the less enthusiastic you are of your work and the more time you are trying to waste
• Posting photos of absolutely everything lets you convince people that you have a social life…
• Games applications allow endless fun at uni and other public computers you can play anything on
• Know when people have birthdays, get into relationships, get married, divorced, make-up, stop being friends; all without actually needing to endure 5 hours of painful moaning/giggling/showing off/ bitching… marvelous~
• Increase stalking potential by 500%
• Superpoking makes sexual harassment acceptable
• By wasting a bit of time every 6 hours, you can buy a person you know and make them do shit… and it’s legal this time!
• You find long lost childhood friends and find out previously unknown mutual friends and relations

Cons:

• You realize that ugly blob from last night found you and is spamming you with invites
• You realize there are less than 100 people in your friends list and you know none of them
• Random people keep inviting you to events in another country
• Chain quizzes keep traveling back to you… over and over and over and over…
• An overflow of applications that tell you when you die and what your favourite sex position is, with their respective notifications that somehow make it to your email…
• People not taking the relationship status seriously, making it really hard to make a move
• People manage to annoy you without even needing to be on the same continent, and you can’t block them because that’s just plain mean!!!!
• Random guys keep spanking you and chest bumping you…
• Random people buy you and make you into a notice board
• Someone tries to add you, and you don’t know if it’s someone you just don’t remember or a pedophile….

So in the end really, whether facebook is the greatest invention know to man or the cause of all your mental problems…… ultimately just depends on whether you’re the one looking for that special someone from last night…. the the ugly blob….

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Quick! Before they have a closing down sale!

Scientific basis of why Asians are small

The question of what Asians are so small has troubled mankind ever since Anime made it to morning cartoons and JAV became a threat to the American adult entertainment industry. Many say the claim is simply racism: a separation  composed in the mind of xenophobes and religious fanatics. However the morphological differences between Asians and white people are obvious, and here we shall explore the plausible theories.

Endocrinology: Asians work too hard and stress too much – stress causes an increase in the secretion of insulin into the bloodstream, which has a antagonistic effect on growth. This relationship is clearly shown in the fact that Asians are all short little bastards, with the exception of those with pituitary tumors or steroid abuse whom coincidentally aggregate in the sports teams of their countries.

Adaptive evolution: High levels of air pollution in Asian countries – to better avoid the pollution produced by the overproduction of POS cars, sweatshops, DVD burning companies, and children; which due to higher kinetic energies tend to rise towards the atmosphere, Asians have adapted by growing shorter.

Conservation of Resources – the strengthened bonds between Asia with the rest of the world in the past century has caused an exponential increase in export of food, electronics, fabric, people, hello kitty, and other natural resources; leaving very little resources for themselves. To cope with the lack of resources and biomass, Asians thus reduce their individual mass, thus requiring less food to reach maximum height. Due to the small deviation in overall size and morphology, commodity such as clothing and organs can be shared and recycled.

Congenital Acrophobia – like mice are born afraid of cats, and Americans of everything; Asians are born acrophobic, therefore those that are short stay happy and live longer, while those that overshoot the average Asian height become overwhelmed by constant fear and development chronic mental diseases such as depression. An experiment can be done where you yell at the tallest and biggest Asian you know: he will undoubtedly cower in fear or at least pretend to ignore you, thus avoiding standing up.

Even with all these theories, there is still no dominant view as to why Asians are so small; but what is known is that there is evidence suggesting they are growing bigger, which probably means that they are getting lazier, moving to other countries, getting richer, and forgetting their heritage. I hereby employ the help of everyone here to observe whether this is the case, if so, then the above theories can become valid and we can begin to learn to manipulate the size of Asians. And who knows, we may be able to fit more of them into cargo holds or sweatshops.

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The immortal…

People that should be blended in a garbage disposal

Here is a list of the type of people that should be brutally shoved down a garbage disposal and join the great river of waste in our sewers:

1. That guy at school that thinks he knows more than you do at everything because he’s a year or two your senior, and at uni, these are the social science retards that try to give you medical advice.
2. Ugly girls that think they’re hot:
   everyone’s met a few of these in their lifetime, these are those ugly both inside and out and still try to frame you for secretly having a crush on them. The only reason you will hang around these people will be because these people often attract pretty girls that have low self esteem, whom which need said ugly girls to make them feel better.
3. Ugly girls
4. Ugly people in general
5. People that like Twilight:
   This also includes people that like any other vampire type romances such as… well Vamps and goths. There is nothing sexy about someone forcing their canines into your carotid… it’s a little bit more than a hickey but that doesn’t make it more delightful.
6. Pauline Hanson:
   
   … need I explain that to you too?
7. The audience on the funniest home videos show that laugh at everything.
8. The administrative staff at the University of Queensland:
   The most incompetent people that I rely on (I don’t rely on the social sciences people).
9. People that think it’s alright to be racist to any race as long as they’re not white:
   This does not apply to people that make fun of their own races.
10. Telemarketers.

And if you don’t agree with me you also belong to this list, and you know what you must do.

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And God sent his most able agent to earth to cleanse man of self-worth: the Balder!

Real myth busters: penile length and shoe size!

Just some random stuff a lecturer brought up in a lecture once, looked it up and… hey, what do you know!

don’t sympathize to socialize

[this has nothing to do with the post, but it seemed a bit dull without a picture.......... and by the way this is from 'the perry bible fellowship', freakin' awesome comic strips. Have the link on the side panel]

People don’t, and never will, consider me as a sympathetic person (which is why I sucked at my behavioural studies courses since they wanted me to feel sorry for everyone…), my defense is that in almost all cases where someone’s not happy, I either a) can’t do anything about it; b) they just want attention; c) I just don’t care about that person.

The father of a friend of mine passed away recently and I struggled for a while thinking of something I can say and do for her… but I couldn’t. I mean… saying things like “cheer up” “don’t be sad” is seriously what I think you say when you want to break an awkward silence and not want to sound like you don’t care. In the end, has anyone told you to cheer up and you suddenly do? (unless you were unhappy about that person not talking to you) Anything religious is a bit hypocritical for me (it’s also very lame). Anything else that’s at all constructive I believe you should say in person, trust me saying “I’ll always be there for you, XXOO” on facebook is a bit pathetic (not to mention you sound like a total dick + the nice happy DP on the side….).

Then there are the attention seekers… Im pretty sure I ranted about these before but I’ll do it again. These are the people that are always telling you how crap their life is (eg telling you they got a really bad mark and you know they’re just waiting for you to say “that’s not too bad, I got a shitty mark too”); as well as those people that explain to you the motive behind everything they do as if it’s all for the greater good….. I hate these people, how I see it, truly smart and nice people don’t go around telling people about it, and if you really feel unhappy, you won’t have the mood to put it on your MSN name.

About the people I don’t care about….. well… what more can be said? I just don’t care! I may know you, I might like you as a person, and I might even be related to you, But if I don’t care it’s not like you can convince me. To care for someone is a type of love (at least you need a form of it): so you just do; you can’t tell me why I have to and why I shouldn’t.

If something bad happens to someone and you can’t change it, they’re bound to be sad; and telling them not to be is… well….. denying their humanity. The only thing you can really do is make them comfortable until they can get over it… or helping them take revenge depending on the cause of the problem.

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Kids, stop trying to balance on those wooden posts……

(*warning: image below may disturb some pansies and kids not convince of what I just said*)

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People are stupid…

OK, just watched the news earlier on and I just have to get this out of me. What is it with people and glorifying people as if they’re heroes purely because they didn’t die? (…. and sometimes only because they died?)

A few days ago it was about a few mountain climbers, and on the news it was as if they were the one’s that saved someone… I mean… I can’t see how a climber needing to be rescued being a glorious victory. And one maybe more memorable (if you’re Australian) being the Beaconsfield mining accident. After the whole ordeal, reporters and journalists were paying these guys tons of money for exclusive stories and they were kept on the news for god knows how many weeks, and for what? they just sat in a hole for 2 weeks and not die! they didn’t dig their way out, they didn’t even have to find their own food! Heck, I’ve been doing that for more than 2 decades already.

And this even goes for ex-cancer patients and people with some sort of amputation…. “wow, you had cancer and you didn’t die? you’re amazing!”…. no, our current medical technologies are amazing… Then you get those people that go “after that I have a new found meaning to life! I’m going to love my family more and make the most of my life and do the things I want!” on breast cancer fund water bottles having ‘Amanda 49, breast cancer survivor’ as if it’s some kind of profession… so good for you, but when the media makes these people sound like saints and philosophers, that’s when I get annoyed. People don’t need to have been near death to appreciate life. If you have any sort of value on your life, you will love your family and friends just as much and walk the same paths; people that need to see their lives flash before their eyes first are just slow and simply don’t think about their own lives enough.

[and the whole "live everyday as if it's your last" thing... doesn't work: if you do live everyday as if it's your last, it probably will be; and if everyone did it the world would be in chaos]

And another thing that bugs me is people like mountain climbers, surfers that go to the beaches during a hurricane, and all those other extreme sports players are simply people that are just asking for it! It’s a wasted of resources to save them in the first place! What we should be doing is forget about the people risking their lives, and more importantly the lives of others, with absolutely no purpose; and commemorate those that risked their lives saving the asses of these dickheads.

Then there are the people that become heroes because they died… not because they died trying to save a baby from a rampaging blue fin tuna or taking out a nuclear bomb…. just because…. they died… it’s like “he was fighting in a war…. then he died… WHAT A TWIST!” Think about the dead soldiers from Iraq. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the soldiers (not so much the war, I can’t believe Australia joined and our oil prices are still high as ever….), but I think having reports that go on for days that are like “he died because he shot himself while cleaning a gun” then have his whole family history laid out to be more of an insult then not talking about him at all…

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wow… a form that actually makes you more sensible…

You people search the weirdest things… perverts…

everyone that owns an internet site or blog gets some of their best entertainment by looking at what search terms people put into their browsers to reach their site, and lately this is getting more and more bizarre and some I don’t even know how it possibly related to this site. So I thought I’d share some today:

• pedo porn, baby child pedo, pedophilia virtual, blowjob underage… and the list goes on… (I’m sure these people will get into a lot of trouble if I can track their IP…)
• cheating they’re cheating on you, right behind your back (…………….)
• snap crackle pop (do I make people think I talk about rice bubbles here?)
• chinaman sexual picture (sorry, I don’t pose, sorry)
• cunt kickers (their are some really sick people out there…)
• somebody getting raped (at least they’re not picky…)
• viktor & hermione art (just found this odd since that pic doesn’t have a tagline along with it)
• Kendo sex (can’t really understand how that works… someone please explain how this fetish works)

… and a whole ton along the lines of “taekwondo sucks” (comes second in my top search engine terms…)

anyways, if you are one of those losers that somehow make it to this page when searching for porn, please do a favour for the human race and go kill yourself, not because you’re looking for porn (I mean what else is the internet for?) but for being stupid enough to click into a WORDPRESS page (not to say there aren’t any) with the title of “Kevin Lee’s Virtual Dojo” while you’re at it…. and those looking up pedo porn: this is how you guys get chased down…. I’d stick to sitting at playgrounds all day if I were you guys….

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why we all love shopping overseas:

solution to pedophilia: lower the legal age (no porn here, piss off you sick bastards!)

“Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Corinthians 13:4–7 (NIV)

Well I give up, I have looked absolutely everywhere and I could not find anything that tells us that we are not allowed to love people below 18! Don’t get me wrong, I think sleeping with 5 year olds is disgusting… so let’s up the level a little so this doesn’t go disgusting… let’s say a 15 year old: if you’re not doing it against her will nor are you deceiving her, then why can’t 2 people that have feelings for each other be together? I see around me anything remotely hinting sexuality of people under 18 being crucified. I remember a report on TV about I think a swimming coach or something was having a relationship with his underage student, and naturally was prosecuted and jailed. However after he was released and she was of age, they got back together; is this not the enduring love we speak of all the time? yet he is branded a pedophile and everyone emphasized that he was deceiving her, exploiting her… but seeing that they got together again (or at least attempted, didn’t really follow up too far) he wasn’t just looking for an easy meal, because putting up with all the accusations and aggression is definitely not easy.

Just think about it, think back maybe a few centuries: we had prearranged marriages, 8 year old couples, 5 year old mothers, and grandpa was 40… obviously wasn’t an issue then, so why now? In an age where fathers are marrying daughters, people having passions for Sonic and Robotnic, we choose to worry about a 16 year old girl giving out blowjobs?

I would imagine the greatest argument would be: “well they are still young and innocent, and they can’t distinguish between good and bad people, therefore won’t make the right decisions”. Well firstly, kids today aren’t innocent: you’ll see 4 year olds swearing and 9 year olds with a hardcore porn stash (and I mean how many people were still virgins after high school?… honestly); secondly, does having been alive for 18 years mean you make all the right decisions and can tell good from bad? NO! less likely… maybe (people still get lured by strangers, but probably not by candy or puppies), but ultimately it means nothing. The only thing that’ll help you tell good people from bad is experience and logic, so 18 years of thinking that you know everything, yet have been bubble-wrapped and sheltered from reality?… quite the opposite thing.

I think child molesters and rapists should be executed over 2 hours with 4 blenders filled with super-glue (so they don’t bleed to death first) to each of their limbs and an apple peeler corer for males (be creative); but if your kid can tell the difference between a handjob and giving the priest a massage, and can take responsibility of their actions, then who are we to say that they are wrong?

[how to wipe out pedophiles: stop having kids]

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random picture of the day: sounds like a happy place

Read this then send the link to 20 of your friends

Everyone who has access to internet and has some sort of emailing service has received at least a few dozen chain-mails in their life up to date (even if you have no friends whatsoever they still manage to hunt you down). It’s those emails that you never really know who made them in the first place, but one thing is for sure: it’s made to annoy you, insult you, degrade you, and ultimately make you kill yourself realizing you just spent 10 minutes scrolling down a page full of forwarded messages and emails just to see “send this to another 50 innocent souls that you don’t speak to for no reason”.
Here are the top 3 types of chain-mails that are corrupting innocent young minds these days:

1. The “what are you doing now” mails:

These are the ones that have about 100 questions that ask you everything from “what is your name?” to “R you slutty?”, then finally making you copying the whole thing (probably after 30 minutes doing it), pasting it back on the original message then sending it to everyone else and also the dick that sent it to you. I really can’t think much of these ones really, just that it’s a complete waste of a LOT of time and you’re not even hoping to get anything out of it. You might as well do a psych survey, at least you get paid for doing those ones. Here’s a sample I got a while back:

4.What does your name mean? i dunno but i’ll bet i means sumfin special..
5.Who picked out your name? ME!!!!
29.Favourite colours? Teal and aquatic marine bluey green (WTF? how many colours is that?)
30.Favourite Animal? MONKEYS i luuuuuv monkeys der so dangly (… another monkey fetish… why lord why?!)
100.Ever had a crush on a teacher? ummm… maybe nah i love him in a teacher student way lol…. I LUV HIM!!!!!!
101.Are you too shy to ask someone out? haha well no ummm not really depends who it is

[please note #5, that on a closer inspection you'd realize that this person actually stole the template and typed the thing up without anyone sending it to her... twice as sad...]

2. The “you’re making a difference” mails:

These are the ones that go like “I have a dying baby, and if enough people pass on this email I’ll be granted to money to save her”. These ones play on the sympathy vote but makes no sense whatsoever. So this charity is making you send a chain-mail around the world, and each time it’s forwarded they give you a dollar? Unless hotmail is actually charging us each time we send an email, this doesn’t work. Fund raisers work by the people actually paying, not just calling in and saying hi… retards.

[regrettably I don't have a sample of this since I replied the last one with "she's probably dead by now if she was waiting in the ICU 3 years ago" then deleting it.]

3. The “you’ll be happy if you forward this; have your balls rot off if you don’t” mails:

These are the ones I despise the most, I personally have nothing against sending some good wishes to some friends, I mean what is life without hope? But is it really necessary to add in the “you will never be happy ever, ever again if you don’t send this to 20 people in the next 60 seconds”? After I receive these emails I immediately lose all respect for whoever sent it to me, since apparently their minuscule hope of getting laid that night due to an email is more important than my eternal happiness… thanks…

“The “Hot Sex Fairy” will visit you within four
days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.
If you don’t, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your life.
You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.”

[well I didn't forward this and my genitals appear to still be very well intact and functional]

To all those that have forwarded an annoying chain-mail to a friend (especially the last type), I hereby place a curse on you: in 2 weeks time your computer will explode in your face, burning your eyes into their sockets. Your skin will then gradually shrink until your bones stick out and your skin will peel off like wood shavings while your nerves explode; your genitals will snap, crackle and pop, giving you unimaginable pain that will make 2 seconds last an eternity. Passing this message on will not redeem your life of sins, the only way to prevent this horrible fate is to use copper wires to stitch and weld “I am a brainless cunt” 7 times on the surface of your face within the next hour.

[world’s most famous chain-mailer]

There’s something about Sigmund…

Not too long ago, I had the opportunity to have a small discussion with a close friend of mine about Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalysis ( how we got there I can’t really remember, our conversations always have random turns… but I think it had something to do with us calling someone ‘anal’). Considering psychology is a specialty of neither of us we naturally got nowhere and got everyone around us confused… so we just watched a movie. I am not in any position to say much on the topic (with like 2 psychology course and some scratches from sociology), but then again neither did Freud.

The bulk of our conversation revolved around the super-ego, ego and id , about the unconscious. How I understand it all, your super-ego and id are you ‘irrational’ thoughts, things that didn’t arise from knowledge or reason. Your id are your primal needs and instincts and pleasure, so your need to feed, your libido etc; your super-ego is your sense of moral and conscience, concepts that you’ve gathered from upbringing to differentiate right from wrong. Both of these things are things that just are; you don’t ask a person why they like food, and at the same time most people don’t question why murder and pedophilia is wrong.

Your ego is your logic and your rationality. The purpose of which is to make sense of the other 2 subconscious bodies while being able to sustain normal interactions without humping every girl you meet, but at the same time you can’t suppress both of them at the same time. Therefore the job of the ego is to keep you in control of yourself to survive in your community, and at the same time satisfy both your super-ego and id. Though not an example I like using (since I consider myself a hopeless romantic), love and sex is a great way to illustrate this theory.

Humans are living creatures, therefore reproduction is a fundamental instinct, it is what makes us alive (don’t about you other people, but scientists have already found the meaning of life). And being a lucky bunch, we also enjoy it a lot and one of the few animals that will do it for fun. The id is always the one that’s the most straight forward and simple to satisfy, in this case…. have sex. But thanks to our great social community and love of making anything good be evil and wrong, the need for sex is apparently a disgusting and dirty act (that or it’s a sin/ pleasure is a test, fight it/ you’re a slut etc). So in order to resolve this dilemma, we have invented this notion called ‘love’. Once we have love, everything makes sense and anything is an act of pure bravery and romance, the greatest thing a man (feminists piss of, I’m not being sexist) could do. Still, just in case everybody’s not satisfied, people in love don’t have sex: they “make love”, implying that they are making more ‘good’ even though there is little difference to the actual activity that’s branded as sinful if there was no “love” involved.

Freud to me is just a perverted old man that can’t get his mind off envying his dad’s penis and how much he loves his mom (for God sakes this man spent several years cutting out eel testicles!), and the only reason psychoanalysis is still around is because it’s a theory that backs up itself (i.e.that’s what you’re subconsciously thinking, but you just deny it) and therefore no one can prove it wrong. You know yourself best, you just need to look deeper to find out what really drives you and why you act the way you do. If it happens to be because you don’t want to be castrated by your dad… well… I’d suggest you move out and get some social services…